So far, the theories we have looked at emphasize that either internal conflicts or external events control the development of personality. Unlike these, cognitive theory holds that people differ in how they process information, and this creates personality differences. We feel what we think we feel, and our thoughts also affect our behavior. Our behavior does not come from early experiences in childhood or from rewards or punishments; rather, it is a result of how we perceive and conceptualize what is happening around us.
As far as sexuality is concerned, cognitive theorists believe that the biggest sexual organ is between the ears (Walen & Roth, 1987). What sexually arouses us is what we think sexually arouses us. We pay attention to our physical sensations and label these reactions. For example, if a woman does not have an orgasm during intercourse, she could perceive this in one of two ways. She might think that having an orgasm during sexual intercourse is not really all that important and maybe next time she will have one; or
she could think that she is a failure because she did not have an orgasm during sexual intercourse and feel depressed as a result. What has caused the depression, however, is not the lack of an orgasm but her perception of it.