We chose the name The Porn Trap because it communicates the danger that pornography use can hold. It also describes how many people feel when they realize pornography is causing them serious problems, but don’t want to or can’t give it up. What’s more, the analogy helps us to organize the stories, research, exercises, and tips into a structure that mirrors the healing journey many people go through—from the first time they see and experiment with porn, to sinking deeper into the trap, to feeling desperate, and eventually discovering how to free themselves.
Throughout the book you will read true stories of people addicted to pornography, or otherwise hurt by it, who decided to change their lives. They often had to endure a lot of suffering before they could see their situations clearly and be ready to make a change. Their stories are dramatic and may at times be difficult to read. They demonstrate how easy and exciting it can be to get sexually involved with porn in spite of having mixed feelings about it. But in the end, these stories are hopeful and uplifting, showing how even the worst porn-related problems can be overcome with the proper knowledge and support.
Most of the stories and quotes in the book come from the interviews we did with porn users and their partners. We have changed names and identifying details to protect confidentiality. In some cases, we have edited material and created composite accounts based on our professional expertise in order to clarify their remarks.
This book addresses a full range of pornography-related problems. It can be helpful to you whether you have just begun using porn, have a well-established habit, or are already involved in a recovery program to quit using it for good. The Porn Trap provides an understanding of porn addiction with simple but effective healing strategies. The book is designed to help you:
• identify and evaluate the impact of porn,
• decide whether it’s time to quit using porn,
• learn how to stop using porn and deal with cravings,
• rebuild self-esteem and restore personal integrity,
• heal a relationship harmed by porn use, and
• develop a thriving and satisfying sexual life without porn.
In the old Tarzan movies, when someone fell into quicksand, Tarzan would swing in on a rope and rescue them. This book is the closest we can get to offering you a Tarzan-like rescue. Here you’ll not only find the tools to pull yourself out of the trap, but you’ll also learn how to stay out. We’re not going to lie: becoming porn-free, if that’s what you decide, can be a really difficult thing to do. Just like an alcoholic drying out, you’ll probably experience denial, cravings, and setbacks that will need to be addressed. Even with this book, we recommend seeking the support of a trained therapist or counselor who can help you figure out what course of action to take and navigate it successfully.
You can read this book privately for your own personal needs, or you can use it as a springboard to spark discussion with others. You can read it to understand the gamut of problems caused by pornography, or use it as a guide for making change now or sometime in the future. If you are already involved in counseling, a faith-based program, or a twelve-step addiction recovery program, The Porn Trap can be used as an additional tool to strengthen and enhance your healing journey.
If you are not a porn user yourself, but someone you care about is involved with it, The Porn Trap will help you feel less alone as you approach your own issues. With this book you’ll learn how to engage in constructive dialogue and begin to work together from a place of common and mutual understanding.
We have written this book because we believe you have a right to healthy, love-based sexual expression, and that today’s multimedia- driven pornography is interfering with that right. While pornography may promise sexual freedom, it can eventually deliver a form of sexual oppression—robbing people of sexual innocence, sexual self-determination, and the skills to experience healthy relationships based on a loving connection with a real partner. Moving beyond porn’s influence can return your personal freedom and give you solid footing to enjoy your life.