Even though Corey had misgivings about porn when he was young because of its association with masturbation, his automatic reaction to it was consistently one of sexual excitement and pleasure. As a product, there wasn’t much about porn’s content that upset him or turned him off. Like many other porn users, Corey was drawn to it because of its ability to satisfy his curiosity and produce a pleasurable feeling in his body. Starting with his earliest experiences with porn, he developed a strong association with it as something that would quickly bring him intense pleasure.
Positive feelings about porn are often reinforced by how effective and convenient it can be as tool for masturbation. Marie, a forty-three-year — old accountant, said, “When I discovered masturbating to pornography there was no going back. Plain masturbation was boring. With porn it was just a lot better. I could really get into the moment with the sex I was watching on cable TV. It was a big high.”
Porn’s ability to deliver appealing sexual fantasies is another reason some people associate it with pleasure. Dan, a man in his twenties, likes that porn instantly envelops him in a fantasy of abundant sexual possibilities. He said, “Pornography gives me the feeling that I’m with a continuous, willing sexual partner who is always available whenever I want or need sex.”
In the sexual fantasy arena, porn caters particularly to the sexual interests and needs of men. In porn you just have to show up and the woman will give herself sexually without any questions asked. The fantasy of a woman who wants him can be pleasurable to even the most macho guy. Men often experience having to “knock on doors” and ask if they are welcome and can come in when it comes to sex. Men can feel an intense pleasure bond with porn because when they are using it they don’t run the risk of sexual rejection or critique.
Individuals who are highly visually stimulated when it comes to sex may be more likely to develop a strong connection to porn. The fact that many males are sexually aroused by visual stimulation may help explain why men prefer viewing pornography, which is highly graphic, to any other type of online sexual activity including chats, dating, and sex education sites. Studies show that men are twice as likely as women to report feeling attracted to visual erotica. However, some experts believe that these male/female differences are likely to decrease as more young females are exposed to the visual world of sex on the Internet.
There are also other aspects of the pornography experience that can increase the pleasure bond. As we discussed in chapter 1, porn has many attributes that make it a powerfully engaging and pleasure-producing product, from the high-tech systems that deliver it to the drug-like euphoria it can induce. People can connect porn with intense pleasure because they have become particularly intrigued with the adventure of the hunt for new materials, the thrill of the slot-machine-like experience it offers, not to mention the ecstasy of the orgasm it can stimulate.
We know that orgasm stimulates the release of some of the most pleasurable chemical highs our bodies can produce. And whatever becomes associated with stimulating orgasm can get powerfully reinforced. Not surprisingly then, people who have their peak sexual experiences with porn, or need porn in order to enjoy masturbation and climax, build a strong emotional and physical connection with it. In fact, one of the reasons some people who use porn when they are single have difficulty giving it up when they get married is because they have developed such a strong pleasurable attachment to it.
If you have come to associate your most pleasurable orgasms with porn, your memories of those experiences, conscious or not, will influence your wanting to use porn more. It’s natural to want to repeat something that feels good. And the more we do something that is pleasurable, the more accustomed to it we become, and the less we question whether it is good to continue doing it. Your enjoyment of porn can increase your tolerance and acceptance of it and override other concerns you may have about using it.