“I Had No Idea He Even Liked Porn”

Lucy, a graduate student in women’s studies, found it unbelievable when she discovered that her live-in boyfriend, Tony, would even be attracted to looking at porn. For the three years of their relationship she had been under the impression that like her, Tony found porn exploitive of women and didn’t want anything to do with it. Using porn seemed so out of character for him. “Tony was on the computer a lot one afternoon,” she said. “Finally I asked him what he was doing and he said ‘government research.’ I’d felt he’d always been open with me, but government research? That was a stretch. I got upset and demanded to see what he was hiding. He refused, got angry, and threatened to leave. Finally he told me he’d been looking at porn. I sat at the computer to see for myself. There were swinger sites, escorts, and large­breasted women. He’d always told me he hated porn. But here he was look­ing at it. Now I wonder, Are all men jerks? Are all men unfaithful? I want to be able to trust again, but it doesn’t feel healthy to totally trust all the way.”