When the Four Steps Are Not Enough

As effective as the four steps are for most couples, there are a few for whom trust, forgiveness, and deeper intimacy seem impossible to achieve due to the extent of past lies and deception. Wes and Marge are one such couple. At the recommendation of their therapist, they decided to use a lie detector—also called a polygraph test—as a therapeutic device to help them restore trust, move through the impasse, and save their marriage. Because it provides an intimate partner with a way to objectively and re­liably confirm that the recovering porn user is telling the truth, this tech­nique is gaining popularity with recovering porn addicts as an adjunct to couples counseling. When honesty is firmly established, a couple is then able to proceed with, and benefit from, all four of the healing steps previously discussed.