Some men are incapable of giving themselves sexually. They act tough, but really they’re wimps: their penis goes limp when they try to manoeuvre it into the vagina. This is not true impotence, but is caused by the deep-seated fear of losing their beloved organ, fear of the vagina dentata, the sharp-toothed vagina, with which a man’s penis can be bitten off. The vagina dentata plays an important part in an old African legend: beautiful girls descend to earth from heaven and repeatedly steal a hunter’s bag. When a man keeping guard catches them, he
shoots one of them, but pays for his attempt to rape her with his member: her vagina contains extremely sharp teeth, with which she bites off his penis.
An age-old Siberian fairy tale also tells of the vagina dentata, though this story has a fairly happy ending for the man. On one of his journeys a hunter meets a one-eyed cave-dweller. She claims him as her husband, but he hesitates. Though he finds her big breasts appealing, her strange face deters him. There is also a sound emanating from her body that is like the gnashing of teeth. When she has fallen asleep, he investigates where the noise is coming from. Between her legs he discovers two rows of teeth. The hunter then devises a trick. He looks for an oblong stone and when the woman wakes up and wants sex with him he puts the stone between his legs and her secret teeth grind and break on the rock-hard material until her vagina becomes like that of any other woman. Eventually the man takes her home with him as his slave.
The vagina dentata is also found in modern feminist literature. Ela, the heroine of the novel F/32, the debut of the Greek writer Eurydice Kamvisseli, has an amazingly tight and greedy sex organ, which is inexhaustibly described. She has a fan club of hundreds of ex-lovers, who wear a coloured ribbon round their penis, marking their place in the strict hierarchy of sexual feats. The book contains unforgettably amusing, instructive and enchanting passages. This is one from the prologue:
Ela presents her cunt to men with great abandon, as if it were John the Baptist’s silver-tongued head on a platter, gives them license to do anything to it, to try their luck and not spare it. . . ‘Don’t mistake my cunt for the kudos,’ Ela warns men at times, hoping to tip the scales. . . ‘Enter it at your own risk.’ They break into a cocky laugh.
Not long afterwards her cunt devours them whole. . . If you didn’t know, it must be clear by now. The fear of the vagina dentata and the accompanying premature loss of erection before entering, are as old as mankind. The only thing that helps is to talk about it.
Men obviously sometimes have weird ideas about female genitalia: not only that there are teeth set in them, but also that women have two vaginas rather than one. This is an age-old theme described by the Italian Poggio Bracciolini in his fifteenth-century Liber facetiarum (Book of Humour): a completely idiotic farmer, who hasn’t a clue about sex, gets married. In bed he thrusts his ‘spear’ into his wife’s backside. Delighted at his successful attempt he asks her if by any chance she has two vaginas: one is enough for him, the second is superfluous. The wife, who is having an affair with the parish priest, then proposes donating her second one to the church. The farmer of course agrees. The couple invite the priest to supper, and after the meal they all get into bed. The priest first introduces his member and the stupid farmer makes do with his portion. ‘Remember our agreement, use your own share and leave mine to me,’ says the farmer. To which the priest replies: ‘As God is my witness: I don’t desire your portion in the least, as long as I may use the church’s share.’ The priest can carry on as before.
Doctors used to link the size of the nose and the dimensions of the genitalia. The idea was shown to be absurd, but there are so-called nasogenital alliances. One of these is the anatomical affinity between the erectile tissue compartments in the penis and those in the clitoris and the olfactory mucous membrane. When someone becomes sexually aroused, the olfactory mucous membrane tends to become rather swollen. As a result sexually stimulated people have slightly more difficulty in breathing through their nose. It can happen that a man has the urge to sneeze when confronted with an attractive woman. There is obviously after all a link between the nose and the sex organs. No wonder that in Ancient Rome adulterous men had not their penis, but their nose cut off!
There are complicated forms of cooperation between the sense of smell, the sex hormones and the sexual urge. These operate through pheromones. The word ‘pheromone’ is a contraction of the Greek words fero (transfer/carry) and hormao (set in motion). Pheromones are substances that secrete organisms in order to induce a reaction in members of the same species. They do this through various glands. A male pig, for example, produces the pheromone androstenol in its mouth which causes a fertile sow to go rigid, so that he can mount her at his leisure.
Pheromones can be picked up via the tastebuds and olfactory receptors, on the tongue, in the nose or via Jacobson’s organ. The latter is situated on the floor of the nasal cavities of, for example, reptiles and mammals. In man it has become rudimentary in the course of evolution; researchers from the University of Michigan recently showed that the two genes that govern signal transfer in Jacobson’s organ are no longer functional in man or anthropoid apes. The genes are there but 22 million years ago were shifted to an inactive chromosome section. The loss of pheromonal communication was compensated for by the gradually acquired ability to see a wider colour spectrum (red, orange and green).