If you are going to work and have a family and have a life, then something has to give in every area of your existence, not just at work. It doesn’t make sense to cut back your work to 60 percent and still try to manage your home life at 100 percent. The whole point of Womenomics is to get everything integrated, in balance, to be free not just from the tyranny of professional perfection but from the tyranny of domestic perfection as well.
Again, this book is not a parenting guide; if you’re like us you’ve got too many of those already. But there are certain areas of your home life where you can apply the rules of Womenomics in order to win more time and freedom. Much of the mental and practical legwork that goes into redefining success at work needs to happen here too.
First off you do not need to be supermom to be a super mom.
katty I’m afraid I never go to PTA meetings. I confess I don’t always make back-to-school night. I’m famous for forgetting half days and I have never been a room parent. The only Halloween costumes I have ever made by hand were so embarrassingly bad my kids refused to wear them. But I do make it a priority to have time at home so that I can be with my children when they need me. I’m not great at school events but I do make as much time as I can for homework, chatting about their days, negotiating tricky friendships and, recently, dispensing unwanted, and probably rather hopeless, advice on dating.
claire I’ve spent two years in a row devoting long December evenings and generating bloody fingers to prove to my son (or myself, or somebody) that I could sew our Christmas stockings. When Hugo noted this year, as he struggled to pull his goodies from Santa out of my bizarre creation with an impossibly narrow top, that the shape might be a "little off,” I realized I should stick to my strengths. Sewing? Maybe not so much. Build a cardboard house—I’m there. I’ve made a conscious effort to participate in the school activities that will mean something to my son and daughter. A chance to come read to a class, or go on a field trip, I adore that, and they get a kick out of it. But running a parent group or an auction or helping in the library—I have to rule those out —without guilt.
Whether it’s in your social life, your kid’s life, your extracurricular life, or any other bit of your life, set limits. We are big advocates of free time—literally lay-about time. Time with nothing scheduled. If you manage to tone down your work life only to clog up the time you gained with other things, you’ve missed the point. A few thoughts on managing the home front:
Our dos. . .
• Do schedule time just to hang out at weekends. Try to get through half a day without attending an organized activity. Remember that in a busy, fast-paced family, doing nothing is actually doing something. Give it a try and watch as the family does something rare and strange—relax.
• Do feel free to cancel evening engagements. It’s fine to say, "I’m sorry I can’t make it after all.”
• Do feel free to say "I have ‘plans,’ ” when plans are a movie with the kids or a family spaghetti dinner. We mentioned this in chapter 4, and it’s critical. Not only are those the best sorts of "plans,” but your family also deserves a firm commitment.
• Do be there for the big things at school—the graduations, the holiday play, the parent-teacher conferences—but don’t beat yourself up about missing the others.
• Do delegate family events—your husband can do parent- teacher by himself if you can’t make it. Dads often benefit from Mom not being there.
And our don’ts. . .
• Don’t try to see too many friends on weekends—you’ll end up not concentrating on the ones you do see.
• Don’t sign your kids up for more activities than all of you can comfortably handle—it’s one more schedule to organize, and you and your spouse will spend your weekends playing chauffeur, separately.
• Don’t let your job bleed into your free time because you’ve scheduled too many pseudosocial events. Whether it’s benefits, office drinks, fund-raisers, or book parties, be very strict about how you use your time.