Social learning theory suggests that we learn gender roles from our environment, from the same system of rewards and punishments that we learn our other social roles. For example, research shows that many parents commonly reward gender-appropriate behavior and disapprove of (or even punish) gender-inappropriate behavior. Telling a boy sternly not to cry “like a girl,” approving a girl’s use of makeup, taking a Barbie away from a boy and handing him Spider-Man, making girls help with cooking and cleaning and boys take out the trash—these little, everyday actions build into powerful messages about gender.
Children learn to model their behavior after the same-gender parent to win parental approval. They may learn about gender-appropriate behavior from parents even if they are too young to perform the actions themselves; for example, they see that Mommy does the sewing, whereas Daddy fixes the car. Children also see models of the “appropriate” ways for their genders to behave in their books, on television, and when interacting with others. Even the structure of our language conveys gender attitudes about things, such as the dominant position of the male; for example, the use of male words to include men and women (using “chairman” or “mankind” to refer to both men and women) or the differentiation between Miss and Mrs. to indicate whether or not a woman is married. However, people are trying to amend these inequalities today, as evidenced by the growing acceptance of words like “chairperson” and “humankind,” and the title “Ms.”