SEX in Real Life

Play Like a Boy! Play Like a Girl!

or a child, playing is not a game, it is serious business. Play is what teaches the child physical co­ordination, eye-hand coordination, the rules of grav­ity and cause and effect, and other physical and motor skills. As a child matures, playing with peers also teaches a child lessons of social interaction, sharing, letting go of things he or she wants, winning and losing, and compro­mise. Strong gender messages are also typically communi­cated to children during play, even in infancy.

Boys and girls are provided different toys and different play environments from birth. One study, comparing the physical environment of 120 infant girls and boys, found that boys were provided with more sports equipment, tools, and large and small vehicles, whereas girls had more dolls, fictional characters, and children’s furniture (Pomerleau et al., 1990). Parents send a powerful message by the way they decorate nurseries and stock them with playthings, and the message is, "There are boy toys and girl toys. You will play with the appropriate toys."

In a study of the toys children request for Christmas, Etaugh and Liss (1992) found that children requested, wanted, received, and best liked sex-appropriate toys. When a child did request a gender-inappropriate toy, the parent was likely to give him or her something else. So even when a child wants to escape from toy stereotypes, parents generally do not cooperate. This is applicable more for boys than girls. Parents have been found to spend more time using masculine toys when playing with boys but have much more flexibility in toys when playing with girls (Wood et al., 2002).

Walk through a toy store one day. Even though the aisles may not be marked "for boys" and "for girls," it is very clear for which gender an aisle is intended. Boys’ toys are often geared toward aggression and destruction, whereas girls’ toys are geared toward domestic life and ap­pearance. Toys have been found to be gender stereotyped for all ages, with the exception of infant and toddler toys (Campenni, 1999).

The same patterns tend to hold true in other countries too. In a study of play differences between Canada and Poland, Stephen Richer (1990) found that boys tended to draw pictures of competitive activities and situations, whereas girls did not; even when shown the same picture, such as children shooting basketballs, boys would set up a competitive situation (such as someone trying to block the shot), whereas girls would describe more noncompetitive situations.

Almost every culture has its own gender-appropriate toys. In Russia, the dolls available to the average child are bulky and have simple, bland clothes. But they also have pink or blue hair to indicate whether they are girl or boy dolls. In fact, when Barbie came to Russia, complete with sequined outfits and blond hair and toy Ferrari cars, the Russians would often spend over a month’s salary for the doll. When some mothers who were staring longingly at the Barbie in the store window were asked by a reporter whether Barbie might not teach their daughters bad lessons, such as the idea that blond hair and Ferraris bring happiness, they looked con­fused. It seems that Americans are not the only ones who overlook the gender messages of their toys.

data from various large and ongoing studies, including federal surveys, the census, crime statistics, and other research projects. Between 1985 and 2001 girls and boys were eval­uated from childhood through their early 20s. This research comes after several studies that claim that each gender is being shortchanged in society for a variety of different rea­sons. Gender researchers often disagree about whether there are advantages or disad­vantages to being one gender or the other and although the findings of this study were widely criticized from both sides of the argument, it is encouraging to see that the qual­ity of life for girls and boys is improving in U. S. society.

Adolescence: Practice Being Female or Male

By adolescence, gender roles are firmly established, and they guide adolescents through their exploration of peer relationships and different “love styles” with potential partners. Part of the task of adolescence is to figure out what it means to be a “man” or a “woman” and to try to adopt that role. Boys quickly learn that to be popular they should be inter­ested in and good at sports, should express interest in sex and in women, should not be overly emotional, and should not display interests that are seen as feminine or girlish. Girls, on the other hand, seem to have more latitude in their behavior but are supposed

to express interest in boys and men, show concern with their appearance, and exercise a certain amount of sexual restraint. When boys deviate from gender role behavior, the consequences are more severe than when girls deviate. However, girls have traditionally been sanctioned more than boys when they violate gender stereotypes of sexuality (such as being promiscuous). We will discuss some reasons that masculine roles are narrower than feminine roles in a later section.

Adolescence can be a particularly difficult time for those who are transgendered, homosexual, or bisexual. There tends to be little tolerance for these behaviors in ado­lescence because they are viewed as the opposite of what the teenagers are “supposed” to do. Teenage males are supposed to be striving for genuine “masculinity.” Though fe­male homosexuality is also seen as deviant and lesbians can be the subject of taunts, fe­males tend to discover their sexual orientation later than males, so fewer “come out” in adolescence.

The life of an emerging gay, lesbian, or bisexual adolescent may be fraught with ten­sion and gender role confusion, which contributes to the high suicide rate among these adolescents. Many gay, bisexual, and transgendered youth survive the adolescent years by concealing their sexual orientation or gender identity (Human Rights Watch, 2001). Many learn that if they don’t, they may be subjected to violence and/or verbal harass­ment. We will discuss the physical and emotional harassment of gay, lesbian, and bisex­ual students more in Chapter 11.

Teenage gender roles have been changing over the last few years. For example, girls today are much more willing to assert themselves and call boys on the phone or ask them out than they were 25 years ago, when they would have been considered either “desper­ate” or “sluts.”

Yet such changing roles are also confusing; adolescent girls and boys still receive contradictory messages. Traditional male attitudes value sexual achievement, control of the sexual relationship, and suppression of emotions. However, today, as teenaged boys are being approached by girls, they are not necessarily more sexually experienced than the girls they date, and they are expected to be sensitive to issues of female equality. Teenage girls, on the other hand, have often been taught to be dependent on males but now are expected to assert their independence. In addition, opportunities for achieve­ment have opened up to the point that many girls who express a wish to become moth­ers and stay at home may be denigrated for lacking ambition. So, even with all the changes that have leveled the playing field between the sexes, it is still not easy for ado­lescents to negotiate their way into sexual adulthood.