Throughout most of history, women worked outside the home; and even today, in most countries, women (especially the poor) are a major part of the workforce. Yet most women in the United States and elsewhere are still taught that their primary sense of satisfaction and identity should be derived from their roles as wives and mothers.
Women receive two conflicting messages from American society: the first is the conservative message that a woman must be married and have children to be fulfilled; the second, a feminist message, is that to be fulfilled, women must have a career outside the home. Women who try to do both find themselves with two full-time jobs. Researchers of domestic life point out that “housework” involves far more than its stereotype of dusting and ironing and includes creating an atmosphere of good family relations, planning the budget, and educating oneself in consumer skills, evaluating educational options, being the liaison between the family and outside services (such as appliance repair) and so on (Epstein, 1988). Single working women with children must assume both roles; but even when a working woman has a working (male) partner, research shows that the woman tends to do a significantly larger percentage of household tasks (Bianchi et al., 2000).
Many women therefore live with a double sense of guilt. If they work, they feel they are not spending the time they should with their children and are leaving the important task of child rearing to a nanny, day care center, or other relatives. If they decide to stay at home and raise their children, they may feel guilty for not being productive members of the workforce. Many women do not even have that choice because economic circumstances require that they work, and most would not be able to stay at home full-time without public assistance.
This dispute has been called the “mommy wars,” as working mothers and stay-at — home mothers each try to defend their decisions. Nearly half the stay-at-home mothers in one survey said employed mothers did not spend enough time with their children; whereas half of employed mothers said they would keep their jobs even if they got the same salary without working. The debates over working mothers will not end soon, for
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