So far we’ve been talking about how difficult it can be to communicate with the people in our lives. What about talking to our intimate partner about sex? Sex can be one of the hardest topics to discuss. Let’s talk about why this might be so.
Talking With Your Partner About Sex
How do you let your partner know that you are interested in having sex? The majority of couples show their consent to engage in sexual intercourse by saying nothing at all (Hickman & Muehlenhard, 1999). Let’s face it: it is hard to talk about sex. This is probably because sexuality seems to magnify all the communication problems that exist in any close relationship. We grow up in a society instilled with a sense of shame about our sexuality and are taught at an early age that talking about sex is “dirty.” Approaching the subject of sex for the first time in a relationship implies moving on to a new level of intimacy, which can be scary. It also opens the way for rejection, which can be painful.
Too often, we assume that being a good lover also means being a mind reader. Somehow, our partner should just know what arouses us. In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Good lovers are not mind readers—they are able and willing to listen and communicate with their partners.