If You Love Something, Set It Free
ollowing is a personal account of a love relationship between two college students. Meghan and Sebastian decided to take a break from each other to see whether their relationship was really working. Do you think most students would be willing to take a break and put their relationship on hold, or are Meghan and Sebastian unique? Do you think many college students today fear being alone? Why, or why not?
Meghan: Sebastian and I had our first class together my sophomore year, and there was definitely chemistry between us. I thought he was gorgeous. We caught each other’s eyes on a few occasions during class, each time maintaining eye contact. I knew that the butterflies in my stomach had to be telling me something. Our romance grew into an incredible relationship. Not only were we in love with each other, but we were also best friends. As time passed, I saw my future with Sebastian more and more. I knew he felt the same way, although we rarely talked about it. We felt that to talk about future plans would be putting too much pressure on the relationship.
It was clear though, through moments of vulnerability, that we both wanted to be with the other for the rest of our lives. It was perfect, a little too perfect.
However, I soon began to question our relationship. Here I was, at 20 years old, with the man I wanted to marry (who was 24). I realized that, since my first boyfriend at age 14, I had never been single for more than two weeks at a time. I always knew I was "the relationship type" but never thought about the consequences of never having been on my own. Was I the type of person to get lonely? How would I cope without affection and intimacy? Love? These are things that I never had the opportunity to learn about myself.
I believe that we all need a period to be by ourselves, and I had never had that. Whether I wanted it or not, I felt that it was necessary. Breaking the news to Sebastian was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I began by telling him how much I loved him and wanted to spend my life with him. A thrilled reaction turned sour when the next sentence out of my mouth was, "I can’t be with the man I am going to marry at 20years old." Needless to say, he was shocked.
I explained that I did not want it to be a permanent end. It was simply a break; a time for me to get to know myself. Since it is something that inevitably needed to happen, I would have rather done it one year into the relationship than down the line, when I had a ring on my finger or a child on the way.
I was aware of the monumental risk I took. But overriding all doubt is a certainty that I cannot explain.
We spoke many times after that night, and even saw
each other once. Not only did we not become emotionally distant from one another, but our feelings grew even stronger. Never again will we take each other, or our relationship, for granted. I sincerely believe that this made us stronger.
It’s so ironic, because the same thing that made me sad, missing him and wanting to be with him, is what brought me comfort. I believed that things would work out for us. If I had any doubt I don’t think I would have been able to do what I did.
Sebastian: I remember when Meghan walked into class the first day. We never spoke, and I never really thought much about her being interested in me.
One night, we met up at a party on campus and went back to her room. We talked for hours. I left that morning with not even so much as a kiss—I wasn’t going to ruin the moment. I ended up calling her, and we started the whole dating ritual. I was a little hesitant at first because I had just had a miserable streak of relationships. However, with Meghan I learned to share myself fully and be honest and carefree. I had never in my life trusted another person with my deepest emotions, secrets, fears, and anxieties.
One day something changed. So I confronted her and was floored when she told that she needed to figure things out. Unlike my past relationships, though, I wasn’t angry: I was confused, hurt, and disappointed. I could never be angry with her. In fact, I respected the fact that she had the ability to tell me. She was honest!!!
The funny thing is that people get mad when they break up to cover up the rest of their emotions, but we faced them, and we dealt with them. That in itself is fascinating for people our age. Actually I thought that we were too young to have a love so deep. We hit a level that even adults who have been married for years haven’t achieved. I can’t really explain it, because I don’t have the vocabulary to do so.
We were two people who were very much in love with each other. We firmly believed we would be together again. I supported her decision and respected her wishes as she did with me. We were honest with each and would never put pressure on one another.
Update: After 7-1/2 months of separation, Meghan knew that she was ready to go back and be with Sebastian. Though the separation was difficult, she believed that it was for the best. They both grew closer through the separation than they ever were before. Meghan said, "The result of this very hard decision and process is a certainty and relief that I cannot explain. Now all he needs to do is propose!"
Source: Author’s files.