Still another factor drawing us to a particular individual is our perception that that person is interested in us. People tend to react positively to flattery, compliments, and other expressions of liking and affection. In the study of interpersonal attraction, this concept is reflected in the principle of reciprocity, which holds that when we receive expressions of liking or loving, we tend to respond in kind (Sprecher, 1998; Whitchurch et al., 2011). In turn, reciprocal responses can set in motion a further escalation of the relationship: By responding warmly to people who we believe feel positively toward us, we often induce them to like us even more. Furthermore, our sense of self-esteem is affected by the extent to which we feel attached to and liked by others. Knowing that someone likes us increases our sense of belonging or being socially integrated in a relationship and hence bolsters our self-esteem (Baumeister & Leary, 1995).
Physical Attractiveness
As you might expect, physical attractiveness often plays a dominant role in drawing physical attractiveness
lovers together (Baredis et al., 2011; Swami & Furnham, 2008). Despite the saying physical beauty, which is a power-
that beauty is only skin deep, experiments have shown that physically attractive people other^tor ^ attracting lovers to each
are more likely to be sought as friends and lovers and to be perceived as more likable, interesting, sensitive, poised, happy, sexy, competent, and socially skilled than are people of average or unattractive appearance (Baron et al., 2006; Jaeger, 2011; Marcus & Miller, 2003).
Why is physical beauty such a powerful factor in attracting us to others? One answer has to do with aesthetics. We all enjoy looking at something or someone whom we consider beautiful. Another factor is that many people apparently believe that beautiful people have more to offer in terms of desirable personal qualities than those who are less attractive. We might also be attracted to beautiful people because they offer us the possibility of status by association. And perhaps beautiful people, by virtue of having been treated well by others over the course of their lives, are secure and comfortable with themselves, a fact that can translate into especially satisfying relationships with others.
Finally, evidence shows that people consider physical beauty an indicator of health and that, other things being equal, we are attracted to healthy people (Marcus & Miller,
2003; Swami & Furnham, 2008).
Researchers have sought to determine whether both sexes are equally influenced by physical attractiveness in forming impressions of people they meet. Several studies have found that male college students place significantly greater emphasis on physical appearance in selecting a partner for a sexual or long-term relationship than do college women, who tend to place greater emphasis on such traits as ambition, status,
Love and Commnunication in Intimate Relationships
earning potential, interpersonal warmth, and personality characteristics (Eastwick et al., 2008; McGee & Shevlin, 2009). Other studies have found that American men place a greater emphasis on physical attractiveness than do American women (Cou — tino, 2007; Fisher et al., 2008). Is this difference typical of men and women in other cultures as well?
A cross-cultural study of sex differences in heterosexual mate preferences provided strong evidence that men worldwide place greater value than do women on mates who are both young and physically attractive. In this study, conducted by psychologist David Buss (1994), subjects from 37 samples drawn from Africa, Asia, Europe, North and South America, Australia, and New Zealand were asked to rate the importance of a wide range of personal attributes in potential mates. These attributes included dependability, attractiveness, age, good financial prospects, intelligence, sociability, and chastity.
Without exception, men in all the surveyed cultures placed greater emphasis on a potential mate’s youth and attractiveness than women did (Buss, 1994). In contrast, women placed greater value on potential mates who were somewhat older, had good financial prospects, and were dependable and industrious. This is not to say that physical attractiveness was unimportant to women of these varied cultures. In fact, many women considered physical attractiveness important—although less so than financial responsibility and dependability.
What accounts for the apparent consistency across so many cultures in what appeals to men and to women in a potential mate? And what accounts for the differences between men and women? Buss provides a sociobiological explanation—that is, he explains a species’ behavior in terms of its evolutionary needs. According to Buss (1994), evolution has biased mate preferences in humans, as it has in other animals. Males are attracted to young, physically attractive females because these characteristics are good predictors of reproductive success. Simply put, a young woman has more reproductive years remaining than does an older woman. Furthermore, smooth, unblemished skin, good muscle tone, lustrous hair, and similar features of physical attractiveness are indicators of good health—and thus are strong signs of reproductive value. On the other hand, women tend to find older, established men more attractive because characteristics such as wealth and high social rank are predictors of security for their offspring. Youth and physical attractiveness are less important to females, because fertility is less related to age for males than it is for females.
Studies have also revealed that American women typically consider traits such as ambition and being a good provider more important in mate selection than do their male counterparts (Eastwick et al., 2008; Janssens et al., 2011; McGee & Shevlin,
2009) . Differences between American men and women in other aspects of mate selection are described in the following Sexuality and Diversity discussion.