In the following paragraphs, we explore dynamics that cause complications in intimate relationships, focusing on two questions in particular. First we discuss the relationship between love and sex. Next we explore how jealousy affects relationships and what, if anything, can be done to keep it under control.
What Is the Relationship Between Love and Sex?
Although we tend to associate sex with love, the connection is not always clear. It is certainly true that some people engage in sexual relations without being in love. One example of sex without love is the relatively common practice of hook-ups (or "hooking up"), which are short-term, loveless, sexual liaisons that occur during a brief interval (e. g., spring break, an ocean cruise, or a "one-nighter") (Lambert et al., 2003). Another example of loveless sex is the phenomenon of “friends with benefits" relationships (FWBRs), which encompass sexual interaction between people who consider each other friends but not partners in a romantic relationship (Furman & Shaffer, 2011; Lehmiller et al., 2011; Owen et al., 2011). Researchers find it intriguing that such involvements combine the dual benefits of friendship and sexual gratification while avoiding the responsibilities and commitment associated with romantic love relationships (Hughes et al., 2005). However, partners in some FWBRs do desire a transition into a more stable, romantic relationship (Vanderdrift et al., 2012). Evidence suggests that FWBRs are quite common on college campuses (Lehmiller et al., 2011; Owen & Fincham, 2011). On four separate campuses the percentages of students reporting their involvement in FWBRs were 51%, 54%, 60%, and 61.7% (Afifi & Faulkner, 2000; McGinty et al., 2007; Mongeau et al., 2003; Puentes et al., 2008).
Recent research reveals that women and men differ in how they view FWBRs. Women participants tended to view such relationships as being more emotionally involved, with the emphasis on friendship, whereas men were inclined to view the relationship as more casual, with an emphasis on sexual benefits (Lehmiller et al., 2011; McGinty et al., 2007).
Love can also exist independently of any sexual attraction or expression. However, the ideal intimate relationship for most of us is one replete with feelings of both mutual love and mutual sexual gratification.
Feelings of being in love with and sexually attracted to another person are frequently intertwined, and these feelings are especially pronounced in the early stages of a relationship. Research on college students indicates that both women and men consider
sexual desire and attraction an important ingredient of romantic love (Regan, 1998). The complex interplay between love and sex gives rise to many questions: Does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship? Do men and women have different views of the relationship between sex and love? And is sex without love appropriate? Here, we attempt to shed light on these and related questions.