Jealousy has been defined as an aversive emotional reaction evoked by a real or imagined relationship involving one’s partner and a third person (Bringle & Buunk, 1991). Many people think that jealousy is a measure of devotion and that the absence of jealous feelings implies a lack of love (Buss, 2000; Knox et al., 2007). People commonly
have ambivalent attitudes toward jealousy, "seeing it sometimes as a sign of insecurity, sometimes as a sign of love, and sometimes as both simultaneously" (Puente & Cohen, 2003, p. 458). Jealousy is related more to injured pride, or to people’s fear of losing what they want to control or possess, than to love. For example, a person who finds that a spouse enjoys someone else’s company might feel inadequate and therefore jealous. As described in our discussion of reciprocity, we often enter into and remain in relationships because they provide a sense of belongingness and bolster our self-esteem. We often rely on our partner to validate our positive sense of self. Consequently, we can feel threatened and sense a potential loss of both reciprocity and a positive self-image if we perceive that our partner is considering a replacement for us (Boekhout et al., 1999).
Some people are more prone to feeling jealousy than others. Individuals who have a low opinion of themselves, reflected in feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, are more likely to feel jealousy in a relationship (Brehm et al., 2002; Buss, 1999). This relates to a point we have already made—that a healthy self-esteem is the foundation for building intimate relationships. In addition, people who see a large discrepancy between who they are and who they would like to be are also prone to jealousy. Not surprisingly, such individuals also are likely to have low self-esteem. And finally, people who place a high value on traits such as wealth, fame, popularity, and physical attractiveness might be more likely to feel jealousy in a relationship (Salovey & Rodin, 1985).
Jealousy is frequently a factor in precipitating violence in marriages and dating relationships (Knox et al., 2007; Puente & Cohen, 2003; Vandello & Cohen, 2003). Research demonstrates that jealousy-precipitated violence is more commonly directed toward one’s partner or lover than toward a third-party rival (Mathes & Verstrate, 1993; Paul & Galloway, 1994).
Although it is clear that jealousy has many negative effects, it is not always clear how jealous feelings should be handled when they occur in a relationship. The Let’s Talk About It box, "Coping With Jealousy, the Green-Eyed Monster," offers suggestions to people who want to decrease feelings of jealousy, either in themselves or in their partners.