Many of us can feel vulnerable when communicating important messages to our partners. Support for our efforts can help alleviate our fears and anxieties and can encourage us to continue building the communication skills so important for a viable relationship. Think how good it can feel, after struggling to voice an important concern, to have a partner say, "I’m glad you told me how you really feel," or "Thanks for caring enough to tell me what was on your mind." Such supportive comments can help foster mutual empathy while ensuring that we will continue to communicate our thoughts and feelings candidly.
Express Unconditional Positive Regard
The concept of unconditional positive regard is borrowed from the immensely popular Client-Centered Therapy, by Carl Rogers (1951). In personal relationships unconditional positive regard means conveying to our partners the sense that we will continue to value and care for them regardless of what they do or say. Unconditional positive regard encourages a person to talk about even the most embarrassing or painful concerns. The following anecdote reveals one person’s response to this valued attribute:
I know that my wife will continue to love me no matter what I say or reveal. In an earlier marriage, I could never express any serious concerns without my wife getting defensive or just plain mean. As a consequence, I quit talking about the things that really mattered. What a relief it is to be with someone who I can tell what is on my mind without worrying about the consequences. (authors’ files)