Acknowledge a Complaint and Find Something to Agree With

Perhaps if you allow yourself to be open to a complaint, you will see a basis for it. Suppose that your partner feels angry about your busy schedule and com­plains that you are not devoting enough time to the relationship. Maybe you think he or she is overreacting or forgetting all the time you have spent together. How­ever, you also know that this concern has some basis. It can be helpful to acknowledge that basis by saying something like "I can understand how you might feel neglected because I have been so preoccupied with my new job." Such constructive acknowledg­ment can occur even if you think the complaint is largely unjustified. By reacting in an accepting and supportive manner, you are conveying the message that you hear, under­stand, and appreciate the basis for your partner’s concern.