Touch is a powerful vehicle for nonverbal sexual communication between lovers. Hands can convey special messages. For example, reaching out and drawing your partner closer can indicate your readiness for more intimate contact. In the early stages of a relationship, touch can also be used to express a desire to become closer.
When I meet a man and find myself attracted to him, I use touch to convey my feelings. Touching him on the arm to emphasize a point or letting my fingers lightly graze across his hand on the table generally lets my feelings be known. (Authors’ files)
Touch can also defuse anger and heal rifts between temporarily alienated lovers. As one man stated:
I have found that a gentle touch, lovingly administered to my partner, does wonders in bringing us back together after we have exchanged angry words. touching her is my way of reestablishing connection. (authors’ files)
Sounds
Many people like making and hearing sounds during sexual activity. Some individuals find increased breathing, moans, groans, and orgasmic cries extremely arousing. Also, such sounds can be helpful indicators of how a partner is responding to lovemaking. Some people find the absence of sounds frustrating:
My man rarely makes any sounds when we make love. I find this to be very disturbing. In fact, it is a real turn-off. Sometimes I can’t even tell if he has come or not. If he wasn’t moving, I’d think I was making love to a corpse. (authors’ files)
Some people make a conscious effort to suppress spontaneous noises during sex play.
In doing so, they deprive themselves of a potentially powerful and enjoyable form of nonverbal sexual communication. Not uncommonly, their deliberate silence also hinders their partners’ sexual arousal, as the foregoing example illustrated.
In this section on nonverbal sexual communication, we have acknowledged that = not everything has to be spoken between lovers. However, facial expressions, inter — J personal distance, touching, and sounds cannot convey all our complex needs and | emotions in a close relationship; words are needed, too. Furthermore, nonverbal cues | are open to interpretation, which in some situations can lead to misinterpretation and g potential conflict (Humphreys & Newby, 2007). One writer observed, "As a supplement to verbal communication, acts and gestures are fine. As a substitute, they don’t quite make it" (Zilbergeld, 1978, p. 158).
Love and Commnunication in Intimate Relationships