Lori-Ann Stuart After years together, my girlfriend and I had discussed at length having a child together—she was gung-ho about the idea and we had many conversations dis­cussing how we wanted to have this baby and who would do it. I really wanted to experience pregnancy, and since I was older, in my early thirties, […]

The liminal state is a period of shifting back and forth between remaining in search of a partner and moving forward to having a baby, bypassing marriage.7 Women are stuck and can’t easily figure out what to do. For many, the liminal state is about being caught between competing visions: their parents’ married lives versus […]

Many of the women who chance pregnancy are entangled in relationships, and some believe that they can cement their relationship by having their partner’s child. They are lax about using birth control, often gambling as they forget to use protection in the passion of the moment. They also often tell the men that they are […]

Medical intervention can serve as a catalytic event when women learn that they have a medical problem that may lead to infertility if they do not act imme­diately. Usually it is endometriosis that hastens women’s decision. Endometriosis is a misunderstood reproductive disease: the medical profession often informs women who have it that if they do […]

Death unearths deep feelings about family. The death of a parent, in particu­lar, calls attention to both the importance and the fragility of family, often compelling women to put family first in their own lives. They become proactive as part of the grieving process, mourning the loss and healing by creating their own families. Usually, […]

On occasion women have the opportunity to leave their daily lives for a time. These interruptions in routines are bracketed, and provide women the freedom and opportunity to reflect upon, evaluate, and redirect their lives. For many, interruptions serve as a refresher course or an exercise in remembering and focus­ing on one’s own life goals. […]

Many women in their twenties and thirties have endured breakups with those they thought would be life partners; when this relationship ends, they watch in despair as their life plan falls apart, taking with it the promise of traditional mar­riage and motherhood. Women report that pushing their baby agenda—their wish to have a child—in the […]

Women describe the catalytic event as a defining moment when they choose to cross the threshold, realizing that even if they don’t know exactly what is on the other side, moving toward motherhood is better than staying in place. Moving into the liminal phase, considering single motherhood, often brings a feeling of relief. While a […]

Women’s private thoughts eventually become conversations—first with their most intimate family and friends, then widening to include other important people in their lives. These people play a vital role as enablers. Women want their approval so that if and when they become mothers, they will have a welcoming community that will not disown them. They […]

Single motherhood begins with a conviction and a secret. The conviction is to become a mother. The secret is the possibility of becoming a single mom. The secret comforts the conviction: it is there on dates, in relationships, in the work­place, and when single women see mothers with their children. Knowing they have the option […]