A generation or two earlier, Gina might reasonably have assumed that the men she was dating were both potential partners and potential fathers. However, when her latest relationship ended, she concluded that she faced two pursuits: one for a child and the other for a partner. In her case, as in most of the women […]

Making the Decision to Become a Single Mother Gina Schecter James was my first really true love relationship. But it just wasn’t meant to be. We shared quirky amusements—like who could do the Sunday crossword puzzle faster—and I admired his artistic talents. He would wake me up in the morning by playing music at the […]

Being “stuck” has a vivid meaning in the context of a traditional, mainstream life sequence in which marriage is a prerequisite for motherhood. Stymied in their efforts to give and get commitment, many women have abandoned the belief that marriage is an essential part of the family equation. The women in this study set marriage […]

shoe to drop, that kind of thing. Like the only person you could have a kid with was a romantic person, or to do it as a single person. You couldn’t construct another arrangement that would be as assured to work as the other two. Prior attempts to change social policy that would have altered […]

Social movements are usually started by ordinary people intent on changing — institutions they find intolerable. Ironically, subsequent generations often appear to be free riders, enjoying the benefits of earlier struggles and unconsciously or (to the dismay of the pioneers) consciously downplaying the relevance of struggle in the first place. Did the achievements of the […]

In earlier generations, this sense of being stuck most likely would have resulted in spinsterhood—in becoming the “favorite aunt,” to use Joy’s words.21 Both Joy and Claudia believed that marriage and children would happen naturally and effortlessly. Joy was caught up in enormous professional demands that limited her social life. Claudia framed her story around […]

These women still considered marriage as essential to motherhood. Thus before considering motherhood, they had to confront marriage. The belief that it takes a partner to have a child was a cultural mandate that even these successful women were unable to ignore. Most busied themselves with work, hoping the right partner would materialize and start […]

The surge of importance employment took on for the women in this study is not without context. Second-wave feminism, emerging in the 1960s and 1970s, emphasized the struggle for equal opportunity. Focusing on the transformation of social structures, including law, education, and employment, second-wave feminism sought to change and expand all aspects of women’s and […]

Joy and Claudia represent the two-thirds of women in this study who are middle — class. These women grew up imagining white picket fences and perfect children. They worked hard in school with the goal of going to college, even though they did not necessarily anticipate lifelong careers. Everyone assumed they would settle down and […]

Stuck. Virtually every woman I interviewed expressed the feeling. Something conspired to disrupt the trajectory of love to marriage to children. Joy, whose story opened the prologue, pointed the linger at her demanding job and a shortage of candidates in the marriage market. She declared herself unwilling to settle for her girlfriends’ compromises: a marriage […]