Many people have found it helpful to have a definite plan or strategy in mind for saying no to invitations for intimate involvements. Having such a strategy can help you prevent being caught off guard, not knowing how to handle a potentially unpleasant interaction with tact. One approach you may find helpful involves three distinct steps, or phases:
1. Express appreciation for the invitation (e. g., "Thanks for thinking of me" or "It’s nice to know that you like me enough to invite me"). You may also wish to validate the other person ("You are a good person").
2. Say no in a clear, unequivocal fashion ("I would prefer not to make love/go dancing/ get involved in a dating relationship").
3. Offer an alternative, if applicable ("However, I would like to have lunch sometime/ give you a back rub").
The positive aspects of this approach are readily apparent. We first indicate our appreciation for the expressed interest in us. At the same time, we clearly state our wish not to comply with the request. Finally, we end the exchange on a positive note by offering an alternative. Of course, this last step will not always be an option (e. g., when turning down a request from someone with whom we wish to have no further contact). Between lovers, however, a mutually acceptable alternative often exists.