Adult Intimate Relationships as an Attachment Process

A number of social scientists have conceptualized adults’ close or romantic relation­ships as an attachment process (e. g., Aspelmeier & Kerns, 2003; Feeney & Noller, 1996; Sprecher & Fehr, 2011). From this perspective, individuals transfer attachment styles and patterns acquired from parent-child relationships to peers with whom they become emotionally and sexually involved. In this sense, romantic partners come to serve as attachment figures (Collins et al., 2006; Riggs et al., 2011; Van Ecke, 2007).

Adult attachments between lovers or partners can be one of the three varieties we described. Securely attached adults seem to be best equipped to establish stable, satisfy­ing relationships. These individuals find it relatively easy to get close to others and feel comfortable with others being close to them. They feel secure in relationships and do not fear being abandoned. In contrast, adults with an anxious-ambivalent attachment style often have a poor self-image and feel insecure and dissatisfied with their roman­tic relationships (Samantha et al., 2011). Reflecting the third attachment style, avoid­ant adults feel uncomfortable with any degree of closeness to a partner (Mashek et al., 2011). Avoidantly attached individuals "may be less resistant to temptations for infidel­ity due to lower levels of commitment in romantic relationships" (DeWall et al., 2011, p. 1302). These individuals often have difficulty trusting or depending on a partner. They frequently view others negatively and thus find it hard to let others get close to them and share intimacy. This trait is reflected in the findings of a study of Canadian married couples indicating that subjects with an avoidant attachment style tended to report low levels of sexual satisfaction in their relationship (Butzer & Campbell, 2008). Avoidant adults desire a great deal of independence. Research reveals that slightly more than half of U. S. adults are securely attached, about one fourth are avoidant, and one fifth are anxious-ambivalent (Hazan & Shaver, 1987). ■ Table 7.3 outlines some of the common ways the three attachment styles influence interpersonal relationships.

At a Glance

Love and Commnunication in Intimate relationships

Research indicates that people who form couples commonly have the same style of attachment—further evidence of how influential similarity is in determining whom we fall in love with (Gallo & Smith, 2001; Latty-Mann & Davis, 1996). The most common pairing was composed of people who both had a secure attachment style (Chappell & Davis, 1998). This is not surprising, because secure people tend to respond positively to others and feel comfortable with closeness; their attachment style thus makes them more desirable as love partners than people with any other attachment style. In one study of 354 couples, over half comprised people who both had a secure attachment style. Predictably, there were no pairings of people who both had an anxious-ambivalent or an avoidant attachment style—no doubt because such people would be quite incompatible with each other. People with a secure attachment style reported the highest level of relationship sat­isfaction, especially if their partner also had that style (Kirkpatrick & Davis, 1994).