People frequently use "why" questions as thinly veiled efforts to criticize or attack their partners while avoiding full responsibility for what is said. Have you ever asked or been asked any of the following questions?
1. Why don’t you make love to me more frequently?
2. Why don’t you show more interest in me?
3. Why don’t you get turned on by me anymore?
Such questions have no place in a loving relationship; they are hurtful and destructive. Rather than conveying simple requests for information, they typically convey hidden messages of anger that the speaker is unwilling to communicate honestly. These are hit — and-run tactics that cause defensiveness and seldom induce positive changes.
Love and Commnunication in Intimate Relationships