Some people are passive listeners. They stare blankly into space as their companion talks, perhaps grunting "uh-huh" now and then. Such responses make us, the talker, think that the listener is indifferent, even when this is not the case, and we may soon grow tired of trying to share important thoughts with someone who does not seem to be receptive:
When I talk to my husband about anything really important, he just stares at me with a blank expression. It is like I am talking to a piece of stone. I think he hears the message, at least sometimes, but he rarely shows any response. Sometimes I feel like shaking him and screaming, "Are you still alive?" Needless to say, I don’t try communicating with him very much anymore. (Authors’ files)
Being an active listener means actively communicating that you are both listening to and genuinely interested in what your partner is saying (Cole & Cole, 1999; Gott — man et al., 1998). You can communicate this interest through using attentive body language, making appropriate and sympathetic facial expressions, nodding your head, asking questions ("Could you give me an example?"), or making brief comments ("I see your point"). Sometimes it is helpful to reciprocate in the conversation. For example, as your partner relates a feeling or incident, you may be reminded of a similar point in your own life. Making such associations and candidly expressing them—provided that you do not sidetrack the conversation to your own needs—can encourage your partner to continue voicing important concerns.