I would not consider myself to be biased against homosexuals. However, I do feel some degree of disapproval of the gay lifestyle, which often seems to involve casual affairs based more on sex than genuine caring. Some gay men I know have had more partners in the last couple of years than I have had in a lifetime. (Authors’ files)
This opinion reflects a belief widespread among heterosexuals that homosexuals, especially gay men, form liaisons with same-sex partners that are based primarily on sexual interaction and that are often devoid of genuine attachment, love, commitment, and overall satisfaction. A number of researchers have revealed the essential fallacy of this thinking by demonstrating that homosexuals, like heterosexuals, generally seek out loving, trusting, caring relationships that embrace many dimensions of sharing in addition to sexual intimacy (Kurdek, 1995b; Zak & McDonald, 1997). Lesbians and gay men differ in the degree to which they associate emotional closeness or love with sex, consistent with overall differences between men and women in their views of sex and love. Whereas men in general are more likely than women to separate sex and love, gay men have shown a particularly strong inclination to make this separation. Some gay men have engaged in frequent casual sexual encounters without love or caring attachment; such activity was especially common before the AIDS epidemic (Bell & Weinberg, 1978; M. Gross, 2003). Rather than indicating that gay men do not value love, this finding merely reveals that some gay men value sex as an end in itself. In contrast, most lesbians postpone sexual involvement until they have developed emotional intimacy with a partner (Zak & McDonald, 1997). A number of researchers have suggested that such differences between gay men and lesbians result from patterns of gender-role socialization that make casual sex more permissible for males than for females.
Finally, love plays a prominent role in the lives of homosexual people as a nexus for establishing a self-imposed identity as either a lesbian or a gay man. Many heterosexually oriented people have had sexual contact with same-sex partners. This is especially true during late childhood and during adolescence, when same-sex contact can be either experimental and transitory or an expression of a lifelong orientation (see Chapter 12). These same-sex sexual activities are not sufficient in and of themselves to establish an identity as a homosexually oriented person. Rather, it is falling in love with a person of the same sex that often supplies the key element necessary to establish a gay or lesbian identity (Troiden, 1988).