■ The way we form attachments, which has its roots in infancy, greatly affects how we relate to loved partners.
■ Securely attached children, who learn that parents are a source of security and trust, demonstrate much greater social competence than insecurely attached children, who are classified as either anxious-ambivalent or avoidant.
■ Attachment styles developed during infancy continue throughout life to considerably influence a person’s capacity to form loving attachments and the way the person relates to significant others.
■ Securely attached adults are best equipped to establish stable, satisfying relationships. They are comfortable being close to others, feel secure in relationships, and do not fear being abandoned.
■ Anxious-ambivalent adults often have a poor self-image, are insecure in relationships, and struggle with ambivalence about achieving closeness with others.
■ Avoidant adults are uncomfortable with any degree of closeness, have problems trusting or depending on a partner, and often view others negatively.
■ People who become couples often have similar styles of attachment. The most common pairing comprises partners who both have a secure attachment style.
■ People with a secure attachment style report the highest levels of relationship satisfaction, especially if both partners in a relationship have a secure attachment style.
Issues in Loving Relationships
■ Various perspectives exist on the connections between love and sex. For most people the ideal intimate relationship is one replete with feelings of both mutual love and mutual sexual gratification.
■ Women consistently link love with sexual behavior more than men do, but research indicates that men and women are becoming more similar on this issue.
■ Gay men and lesbians, like heterosexuals, generally seek out loving, trusting, caring relationships that embrace many dimensions of sharing in addition to sexual intimacy.
■ Some people consider jealousy a sign of love, but it might actually reflect fear of losing possession or control of another.
■ Jealousy is frequently a factor in precipitating violence in marriages and dating relationships.
■ Research indicates that men and women react differently to jealousy.