The more specific a request is, the more likely it is to be understood and heeded. Lovers often ask for changes in the sexual aspects of their relationships in the vaguest language. It can be uncomfortable, even anxiety provoking, to be on the receiving end of an ill-defined request. Just how does one respond? Probably by doing little, if anything.
The key to preventing unnecessary stress for both partners is delivering requests as clearly and concisely as possible. Thus an alternative to the vague request "I’d like you to try touching me differently" might be "I would like you to touch me gently around my clitoris but not directly on it." Other examples of specific requests follow:
1. I would like you to spend more time touching and caressing me all over before we have intercourse.
2. I really enjoy it when you keep on kissing and caressing me after you’re inside me.
3. I would like you to stroke my penis with your hand.