Facial expressions often communicate the feelings a person is experiencing. Although people’s expressions certainly vary, most of us have learned to accurately identify par­ticular emotions from facial expressions. The rapport and intimacy between lovers can further increase the reliability of this skill. „ Looking at our lovers’ faces during sexual activity often gives us a […]

Sexual communication is not confined to words. Sometimes a touch or a smile can convey a great deal of information. Tone of voice, gestures, facial expressions, and changes in breathing are also important elements of such communication: Sometimes when I want my lover to touch me in a certain place, I move that portion of […]

Saying no in clear, unmistakable language is essential to the success of the strategy just outlined. Nevertheless, when it comes to sexual intimacy, many of us sometimes send mixed messages about what we do and do not want. Consider, for example, someone who responds positively to a partner’s request for sexual intimacy but then spends […]

Many people have found it helpful to have a definite plan or strategy in mind for saying no to invitations for intimate involvements. Having such a strategy can help you prevent being caught off guard, not knowing how to handle a potentially unpleasant interaction with tact. One approach you may find helpful involves three distinct […]

Many of us have difficulty saying no to others. Our discomfort in communicating this direct message is perhaps most pronounced when it applies to intimate areas of rela­tionships. This is reflected in the following anecdotes: Sometimes my partner wants to be sexual when I only want to be close. The trouble is, I can’t say […]

An excellent way to close discussion of a complaint is to focus on what the two of you can do to make things better. Perhaps this is the time to say, "My new job is really important to me, but our relationship is much more important. Maybe we can set aside special times each week […]

It can be helpful to talk about your feelings in response to a complaint rather than let­ting those feelings dictate your response. Your partner’s complaint may cause you to feel angry, hurt, or dejected. Putting your feelings into words is probably more effective than acting them out. Responses such as yelling, stomping out of the […]

Your partner may deliver a complaint so vaguely that you need clarification. If this hap­pens, ask questions. Suppose your partner complains that you do not take enough time in your lovemaking. You might respond by asking, "Do you mean that we should spend more time touching before we have intercourse, or that I should wait […]

Perhaps if you allow yourself to be open to a complaint, you will see a basis for it. Suppose that your partner feels angry about your busy schedule and com­plains that you are not devoting enough time to the relationship. Maybe you think he or she is overreacting or forgetting all the time you have […]

Delivering complaints to a partner is difficult; likewise, receiving complaints from someone you love can be an emotionally rending experience. However, people involved in an intimate, loving relationship inevitably need to register complaints on occasion. How you respond to a complaint can significantly affect not only your partner’s incli­nation to openly share concerns in the […]