Delivering complaints to a partner is difficult; likewise, receiving complaints from someone you love can be an emotionally rending experience. However, people involved in an intimate, loving relationship inevitably need to register complaints on occasion. How you respond to a complaint can significantly affect not only your partner’s inclination to openly share concerns in the future but also the probability of resolving the complaint in a manner that strengthens rather than weakens the relationship.
When your partner delivers a complaint, take a few moments to gather your thoughts. A few deep breaths are probably a much better initial response than blurting out, "Yeah, well, what about the time that you. . . !" Ask yourself, Is this person trying to give me information that may be helpful? In a loving relationship where mutual empathy prevails, perhaps you will be able to see the potential for positive consequences, even though you have just received a painful message. You can respond to such a communication in several ways. We hope one or more of the following suggestions will help in such circumstances.