Sexual communication can contribute greatly to the satisfaction of an intimate relationship. Good communication about sexual desires and concerns has frequently been identified as a valuable asset to the development and maintenance of a satisfying and enduring sexual relationship (Byers, 2011; Montesi et al., 2011; Timm & Kelley, 2011). We do not mean that extensive verbal dialogue is essential to all sexual sharing; there are times when spoken communication is more disruptive than constructive. Nevertheless, partners who never talk about the sexual aspects of their relationship are denying themselves an opportunity to increase their closeness and pleasure through learning about each other’s needs and desires.
Central to this discussion is our belief that the basis for effective sexual communication is mutual empathy—the underlying knowledge that each partner in a relationship cares for the other and knows that the care is reciprocated. Receiving and providing expressions of love and appreciation are important ingredients in the maintenance of mutual empathy, as discussed in the Let’s Talk About It box, "The Benefits of Affectionate Communication."
Love and Commnunication in Intimate Relationships
SPOTLIGHT ON
RESEARCH
In the rest of this chapter we discuss various approaches to sexual communication that have proved helpful in the lives of many people. We do not claim to have the final word on the many nuances of human communication, nor do we suggest that the ideas offered here will work for everyone. Communication strategies often need to be individually modified, and sometimes the differences between two people are so profound that even the best communication cannot ensure a mutually satisfying relationship. We hope, though, that some of these shared experiences and suggestions can be helpful in your own life.