Many women grow up believing that men always have sex on their minds. For such a woman, it may be a logical next step to become the controller of what takes place during sexual interaction. By this we do not mean actively initiating certain activities, which she sees as the prerogative of men, the movers. Rather, a woman may see her role as controlling her male partner’s rampant lust by making certain he does not coerce her into unacceptable activities. Thus, instead of enjoying how good it feels to have her breasts caressed, she may concentrate on how to keep his hand off her genitals. This concern with control can be particularly pronounced during the adolescent dating years. It is not surprising that a woman who spends a great deal of time and energy regulating sexual intimacy might have difficulty experiencing sexual feelings when she finally allows herself to relinquish her controlling role.
Conversely, men are often conditioned to see women as sexual challenges and to go as far as they can during sexual encounters. They too may have difficulty appreciating the good feelings of being close to and touching someone when all they are thinking about is what they will do next. Men who routinely experience this pattern can have a hard time relinquishing the mover role and being receptive rather than active during sexual interaction. They might be confused or even threatened by a woman who switches roles from controller to active initiator.