A long-standing, mistaken assumption in many Western societies is that women are inherently less sexually inclined than men. Such gender stereotypes can result in women being subjected to years of negative socialization during which they are taught to suppress or deny their natural sexual feelings. Although these stereotypes are beginning to fade as people strive to throw off some of the behavior constraints of generations of socialization, many women are still influenced by such views. Some women, believing that it is not appropriate to be easily aroused sexually, direct their energies to blocking or hiding these normal responses.
Males can be harmed by being stereotyped as supersexual. A man who is not immediately aroused by a person he perceives as attractive and/or available can feel somehow inadequate. After all, are not all men supposed to be instantly eager when confronted with a sexual opportunity? We believe that such an assumption is demeaning and reduces men to insensitive machines that respond automatically when the correct button is pushed. Male students in our classes frequently express their frustration and ambivalence over this issue. The following account is typical of these observations:
When I take a woman out for the first time, I am often confused over how the sex issue should be handled. I feel pressured to make a move, even when I am not all that inclined to hop into the sack. Isn’t this what women expect? If I don’t even try, they may think there is something wrong with me. I almost feel like I would have to explain myself if I acted uninterested in having sex. Usually it’s just easier to make the move and let them decide what they want to do with it. (Authors’ files)
Clearly, this man believes that he is expected to pursue sex, even when he does not want to, as part of his masculine role. This stereotypical view of men as the initiators of sex in developing relationships can be distressing for both sexes, as we see in the next section.
Men as Initiators, Women as Recipients
In our society traditional gender roles establish the expectation that men will initiate intimate relationships (from the opening invitation for an evening out to the first overture toward sexual activity) and that women will respond with permission or denial (Dworkin & O’Sullivan, 2005). As the following comment reveals, this expectation can make men feel burdened and pressured:
Women should experience how anxiety-provoking it can be. I get tired of always being the one to make the suggestion, since there’s always the potential of being turned down. (authors’ files)
A woman who feels compelled to accept a passive female role can have a difficult time initiating sex. It could be even harder for her to assume an active role during sexual activity. Many women are frustrated, regretful, and understandably angry that such cultural expectations are so deeply ingrained in our society. The following comments, expressed by women talking together, reflect some of these thoughts: