In contrast to Anna Benton’s “1-2-3 maybe,” Margaret Davies, a white, self — employed craftsperson married to an African American building contractor, characterized her parenting approach as “tell, tell, tell, yell.” Margarets approach represents well the parenting style of the working-class and middle — class parents, who seem more confident in their ability to say no, who talk more explicitly about being a parent and not a friend, and who more often define themselves as being “strict.”
Among these less privileged adults, the pro forma response often appears to be about respecting children’s input, rather than about knowing that they as parents should remain figures of authority. Charlene Black, for example, put it this way: “I think I try to be close to them, and we do have an open relationship. At the same time, you have to have a line between being a parent and a friend.” Similarly, Amy Price said, [6]
aries. . . . I’ve always been one of those [parents who believes] you’re not here to be their friend; you’re here to be their parent.
Some of these parents present their own strictness as a contrast to what it is that they believe other parents do. For example, Francesca Guarino made reference to her immigrant roots to explain her approach to raising her children while noting that her daughter believes that other parents are far more lenient:
I think we’re both—like I said earlier—we come from parents from the other side, and it’s not like the parents in today’s times, in today’s America.
I should say, I noticed that they raise their children a little more “free”—I don’t know the proper word. We are a little more strict. My daughter tells me all the time, “You know, you guys are so different from everyone else. You should see the other parents. [Their kids] can do this, and they can do that.”
Similarly, Christopher Rodriguez, a Hispanic father who, like Francesca, lives on Staten Island, explained his approach as a “two-way” street, even as he differentiated himself from what he believes to be the indulgent parents around him:
In a way [my approach is] a two-way street. I’ll make it very simple: it’s a give and take. We live in a time that is very different than times past, okay. Children used to respect their parents, not only their parents, their elders; the [current] generation became the “X generation,” the “Me generation.”
It’s a shame. . . . Before the kids respect the parents; now the kids expect the parents to respect them. And everything shifted, and. . . children became very rebellious. And I don’t blame them. I don’t blame them because they felt like they became an object, and then parents tried to compensate by buying everything. Things will never replace parents, that’s my philosophy.
Other working-class and middle-class parents quite simply commented that they are strict: “I’m pretty much 85 percent ‘do what I say’”; “The way I look at it is it is my responsibility to prepare these children to go out and function in today’s world, today’s society, and to prepare them for it the best
way I can by, I guess, sharing the knowledge and experience I have in my life and preparing them, guiding them, on the path I think will be best for them to function and survive in today’s society. I’m more strict than lax.” In short, unlike the professional middle-class parents, these less privileged adults are certain about boundaries and ready to be firm. And although few of these parents spoke about relying on physical punishment, they emphasized their commitment to having their children know that rule violations would have significant consequences.