 |
 |
 |
 |
Good Looks or a Good Prospect? What Do You Want in a Partner?
How important are good looks in a mate?
2
|
0
|
3.0 ф* О 2.5 |
innermost selves hidden is easy; revealing our deepest desires, our longings and insecurities can be scary. As we discussed in Chapter 6, intimate partners reveal beliefs and ideas to each other, disclose personal facts, share opinions, admit to their fears and hopes. In fact, self-disclosure is so important to intimacy that early researchers thought that willingness to self-disclose was itself the definition of intimacy (Clark & Reis,
1988) . True self-disclosure, however, involves sharing feelings, fears, and dreams, not just facts and opinions. Individuals who can self-disclose have been found to have higher levels of self-esteem and confidence in their relationship and rate their relationships as more satisfying (Sprecher & Hendrick, 2004).
Intimacy involves a sense of closeness, bondedness, and connectedness (Popovic, 2005; Sternberg, 1987). People who value intimacy tend to express greater trust in their friends, are more concerned for them, tend to disclose more emotional, personal, and relational content, and have more positive thoughts about others. They also tend to be seen as more likable and noncompetitive by peers, smile, laugh, and make eye contact more often, and report better marital enjoyment (Clark & Reis, 1988).
However, all types of disclosures are risky; the other person may not understand or accept the information offered or may not reciprocate (Beach & Tesser, 1988). Thus, risk-taking and trust are crucial to the development of intimacy. Because intimacy makes us vulnerable, and because we invest so much in the other person, intimacy can also lead to betrayal and disappointment, anger, and jealousy. We will explore the dark side of intimacy later in this chapter.