As children age and try to determine how they will fare in the world outside the family, their peer groups increase in importance. Learning acceptable peer-group sexual standards (acceptable attitudes and moral values) is as important as learning all the other attitudes and behaviors. Children learn acceptable attitudes and behaviors for common games, sports, and even the latest media trends. Friends are very important to adolescents.
Same-Sex Peers During middle childhood, adolescents overwhelmingly prefer same-sex to other-sex friends (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2000). Although other-sex friendships do develop, the majority of early play is done in same-sex groupings (Fabes et al.,
2003) . Early on these friendships tend to be activity based (friends are made due to shared interests or proximity); but, by early adolescence, affective qualities (such as trust, loyalty, honesty) replace the activity-based interests (Bigelow, 1977). With these qualities in place, friendships can tolerate differences in interests or activities and reasonable distance separations (such as not being in the same classroom). As a result, friendships in adolescence become more stable, supportive, and intimate than they were prior to this time (B. B. Brown et al., 1997).
Peers are a major catalyst in the decision to partake in voluntary sexual experimentation with others. Sexual communication and contact are carefully negotiated, as both participants are usually a little frightened and nervous about the initiation of sexuality. Often initial sexual experimentation takes place among preadolescents of the same sex. Same-sex experimentation is quite common in childhood, even among people who grow up to be predominantly heterosexual. As one boy relates:
I was at summer camp, about 11 or 12 years old, and I went for a walk with a friend. We were in the woods, and we began to dare each other to do things. My friend was always considered a bit effeminate, and I dared him to take off his clothes, which he did. I ended up daring him to put my penis in his mouth, which he resisted initially but finally did for a few seconds. We then got dressed and left and remained friends and never spoke of that experience again. (Author’s files)
Other-Sex Peers For most American children, preadolescence is when they begin to recognize their sexual nature and to see peers as potential boyfriends and girlfriends. Although this doesn’t happen until the very end of this time period, children as early as 11 begin to develop interest in the other gender and may begin pairing off within larger groups of friends, or at parties. Preadolescence has traditionally been a time of early sexual contact, such as kissing and petting, but for many this doesn’t occur until later.
Sibling Sex Another fairly common childhood experience is sexual contact (fondling or engaging in sex games) with siblings or close relatives, such as cousins. Sometimes this occurs as abuse, with an older relative coercing a younger one into unwanted sexual activity. However, more often it involves mutual sexual curiosity. Greenwald and Leitenberg (1989) found that among a sample of college students, 17% reported having sibling sexual contact before age 13. Only a small percentage involved force or threat, and intercourse was rare.
Sibling sex is common among diverse family types, involving children of all ages, from age 3 through adolescence. Research on sibling sex suggests that it can be harmful when there is a large difference between the ages of siblings or when coercive force is used (Finkelhor, 1980; Rudd & Herzberger, 1999). It is probably not a good idea, therefore, to encourage boys going through puberty to bathe with their younger sisters or to share a bedroom with a brother 4 or 5 years younger. Yet normal sexual experiences, such as minor touching and looking at siblings of approximately the same age, are usually innocent and harmless.