Good communication is the hallmark of a healthy, developing relationship. These skills can be applied to all aspects of life, such as improving family relationships, being more effective in relationships at school or work, developing a love relationship, or discussing relationship issues and sexuality with a partner. Communication fosters mutual understanding, increases emotional intimacy, and helps deepen feelings of love and intimacy. For love and intimacy to grow, each partner must know how the other feels. In fact, good communication is one of the most important factors in a satisfying relationship (Fowers,
1998) . Note that having good communication skills and using them are two different things. Partners who have no trouble talking about their feelings in general, for example, may still have trouble telling each other how they want to change certain things in their relationship.
Many relationship problems stem from misunderstandings and poor communication, which lead to anger and frustration. In fact, communication problems are a major source of trouble in relationships. Communication experts have also found that a lack of communication skills contributes to many serious marital problems, including violence and abuse (Burleson & Denton, 1997). Misunderstandings, anger, and frustration can all lead to a downward spiral in which communication becomes less and less effective.
Relationships between two people inevitably run into difficulties. It’s nearly impossible not to experience difficulties when you are sharing your space with another person. This is precisely why many forms of therapy emphasize learning communication skills and why communication self-help books overflow from bookstore shelves. Communication problems usually occur when partners have poor communication skills, feel unable to self-disclose, and/or have trouble listening. It is also important to point out, however, that not all relationship problems are caused by a lack of communication or poor communication. Sometimes the problems come from an unwillingness to acknowledge a problem or issue that needs to be worked out. In other cases, issues such as poor health or economic stresses can create problems that hinder communication and intimacy.