Why do we love in the first place? What purpose does love serve? After all, most animals mate successfully without experiencing “love.” Researchers’ theories on why we form emotional bonds in the first place can be grouped into four general categories: behavioral reinforcement, cognitive, physiological arousal, and evolutionary.
Behavioral Reinforcement Theories
One group of theories suggests that we love because another person reinforces positive feelings in ourselves. Lott & Lott (1961) suggested that a rewarding or positive feeling in the presence of another person makes us like them, even when the reward has nothing to do with the other person. For example, they found that children who were rewarded continually by their teachers came to like their classmates more than children who were not equally rewarded. The opposite is also true. Griffitt & Veitch (1971) found that people tend to dis — © like people they meet in a hot, crowded room, no matter what those people’s personalities are like. Behavioral reinforcement theory suggests that we like people we associate with
feeling good and love people if the association is very good. Love develops through a series of mutually reinforcing activities.
Cognitive Theories
Cognitive theories of liking and loving are based on an interesting paradox: the less people are paid for a task, the more they tend to like it. In other words, a person tends to think, “Here I am painting this fence, and I’m not even getting paid for it. Why am I doing this? I must like to paint!” The same goes for relationships. If we are with a person often and find ourselves doing things for them, we ask, “Why am I with her so often? Why am I doing her laundry? I must like her—I must even love her!” This theory suggests the action comes first, and the interpretation comes later (Tzeng, 1992). Studies have also found that when we think someone likes us, we’re more likely to be attracted to them (Ridge & Reber, 2002).