To trust another is an act of courage because it grants that person the power to hurt or disappoint you. However, intimacy requires trust. Usually trust develops slowly. You trust your partner a little bit at the beginning of your relationship and begin to trust him or her more and more as he or she proves to be dependable and predictable. Trusting behaviors lead to greater trust in the relationship and more confidence that the relationship will last. When a couple trusts each other, each expects the partner to care and respond to his or her needs, now and in the future (Zak et al., 1998).
Remember earlier we talked about women from divorced families being less able to trust in intimate relationships? Perhaps it is because these women have seen firsthand what happens in unsuccessful marriages, and they fear intimate relationships just don’t work. Men, too, may feel less able to trust when their partner is ambivalent or cautious about trust. The important thing to remember is that a close relationship has a “curative” function—the longer it exists, the more trust can build (Jacquet & Surra, 2001).
Respect
We enter into relationships with our own needs and desires, which sometimes cloud the fact that the other person is different from us and has his or her own special needs. Respect is the process of acknowledging and understanding that person’s needs, even if you don’t share them.
The Dark Side of Love
Love evokes powerful emotions; this is both its strength and its weakness. Many of the emotions that can come from strong feelings about another person can also be destructive to a relationship and may require great maturity or a strong act of will to overcome. Let’s now examine three of the dark sides of love: jealousy, compulsiveness, and possessiveness.