The psychoanalytic literature informs us that women’s identification with their mothers is essential for the development of the super ego, the fountain of moral development. Internalization of mothers’ values is deemed fundamental to healthy development. Similarly, other theoretical perspectives have traditionally assumed the primacy of the mother-daughter bond through which girls learn what is expected and accepted by their social and class group. Ireland (1993, p. 102) further suggested that the essence of feminine identity is “self-in-relationship”—women rely on a mutuality with others, and this mutuality, according to Ireland, begins with the mother-daughter dyad. However, these assumptions are not always sustained. When the practices of a variety of cultural groups are examined, variations are revealed.
In West Indian families, for example mother-child relations are strong, but the stronger bond is considered to be that between mother and son (Gopaul-McNicol, 1993). This represents a deviation from the West em expectation about the mother-daughter attachment. The closeness in the mother-son relationship continues even after the son is married, such that the son’s wife is expected to understand that her husband has to care for his mother in addition to his new family. There also remains the ex pectation that daughters are principal caregivers. Indeed, in the absence of her parents, the elder daughter becomes the “parental child” and shoulders more of the domestic responsibilities.
In today’s complex society a variety of circumstances may dictate dif ferent mother-daughter attachments and relationships. Among immigrant families, for example, there may be a struggle between mother and daughter that is a function of the daughter’s attempts to assimilate into the new culture. The child, in an attempt to fit into her peer group, seemingly rejects the values of her family. The mother holds onto the old-world values and customs while the daughter embraces the values of the new culture so that she may be accepted by her peers. Mothers may view their daughters as disrespectful, and daughters may view their mothers as useless in guiding their development (Flax, 1993).
Gender role expectations also may conflict during the process of ac culturation. If a female child is expected to assume much of the responsi bilities of the household when none of her peers are required to do so, this is likely to create tension and resentment. Through the movement toward the new culture and rejection of the old culture (instantiated by the re jection of their mothers and the old-world culture she represents), girls may be less able to connect with a primary source of their female identity development (Flax, 1993).