MAKING THE BEAST WITH TWO BACKS

There’s no shortage of descriptive terms for sex; the one above is used in Othello by William Shakespeare. Here are a few more:

A bit of the old in and out ♦ baking cookies ♦ bang ♦ bash the beaver ♦ bonk

♦ bumpin’ fuzzies ♦ butter the muffin ♦ churning butter ♦ corrupt the dumplings ♦ creamin’ ♦ dip your wick ♦ do the chores ♦ drilling the ditch ♦ eat cauliflower ♦ filling the cream donut ♦ five knuckle shuffle ♦ front door action + get Jack in the orchard ♦ growling at the badger ♦ hiding the salami

♦ hot dog in a jungle ♦ laying pipe ♦ getting your leg over ♦ making ends meet

♦ mix your peanut butter ♦ the nasty ♦ nookie ♦ parallel parking ♦ pass the gravy ♦ pot the pink ♦ putting sour cream in the burrito ♦ ride the baloney pony ♦ rock the casbah ♦ roll in the hay ♦ saucing the clam ♦ shag ♦ shooting the goodness ♦ s/ioof the moon ♦ storm the trenches ♦ taking the old one-eye to the optometrist ♦ train through the tunnel ♦ the ugly ♦ visit the Netherlands

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walk the dog ♦ work the hairy oracle ♦ yodel in the valley ♦ zallywhacking

‘Bridegroom, dear to my heart, goodly is your beauty,
honeysweet’ is the first line of what is thought to be the world’s
oldest love poem. The risque, sexy Sumerian ballad is about a
priestess in love with a king more than 4,000 years ago.

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William Dunbar is also credited with literature’s first use of
‘c**t’, the profanity often found more offensive than ‘fuck’,
featuring in the early-16th-century Scottish verses The Flyting
of Dunbar and Kennedie as ‘c**tbittin’ (afflicted with VD).

A bit of how’s your father?

Many joke that in Victorian times overprotective fathers hid under their daughters’ voluminous skirts at parties to ward off undesirable visitors. Knowing suitors would ask, ‘How is your father?’ and the reply would let them know if the coast was clear. However, the phrase really comes from 1930s Scottish music hall and movie comedian Harry Tate, who used it as an excuse to change the subject or in place of something he couldn’t say.

‘French is the language that turns dirt into romance.’
Stephen King

Dirty talk is often used to spice up sex: compliments, innuendo, fantasies, what you want to do to your partner and what you want done to you. And pillow talk generally takes place after sex. This all sounds better in French. France has long been associated with romance, much of it oozing from Paris, the city of love and desire, with an accent many swoon to, plus a history of decadence, eroticism and risque entertainment. French language literature first became known as ‘romance’ during Anglo — Norman times, with tales of chivalry, great deeds and romance, typically set at King Arthur’s court The strange thing is its magic still works.

VERBAL GAFFES ON TV

‘What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by
Barrichello?’ James Allen in an interview with Ralf Schumacher

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‘She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night.’

Wlto Wants To Be A Millionaire? host Chris Tarrant about the first UK winner
Judith Keppel
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‘And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this
morning and it was amazing!’ Weightlifting commentator Pat Glenn

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‘One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that
before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh
my God! Wltat have I just said?’ US PGA commentator

The F-word The most famous four-letter word in the English language, ultimately meaning ‘sexual intercourse’, looks very much like its cognates in the Germanic languages, such as ficken, the Middle Dutch focken, Norwegian dialect fukka and Swedish dialect focka. Etymologist Eric Partridge associated it with the Indo-European root peuk, meaning ‘to prick’, ‘pounce’, ‘punctuate’ and ‘point’, and also the Latin word future, ‘to copulate’. However, according to the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) and other sources, these links are uncertain. Suggestions of possible Anglo-Saxon origins include a charter from ad772 featuring the place name of ‘Fuccerham’, which could be the home of the ‘fucker’, man or beast, possibly famed for doing just that; plus a number of acronyms, including ‘Fornicate Under Command of the King’ and ‘Forced Unlawful Carnal Knowledge’, but these are all considered unlikely. ‘Fuck’ is believed to have entered the English language around the 15th century. It was first written in a satirical poem about the Carmelite friars of Cambridge, F/en, Flyss (c1500), where it makes an appearance in humorous Latin code: ‘Non sunt in coeli, quia gxddbov xxkxzt pg ifmk’, broken into ‘Non sunt in coeli, quia fvccant vvivys of helo’, which translates as ‘They are not in heaven because they fuck wives of Ely’. The OED cites the work of Scottish poet William Dunbar, Brash of Wowing, 1503, as the first ‘fuck’ in print, with ‘Be his feiris he wald haue fukkit’. By the 18th century, ‘fuck’ was considered an obscenity and no longer tolerated; it was banned from the OED until 1972. In 1960, US company Grove Press won the right to sanction ‘fuck’s’ first legal use in print in Lady Chatterley’s Lover, also appearing three years later in the UK. In 1965, writer Kenneth Tynan was the first person to say it on British TV during a live debate on the BBC, causing an outcry. Still recognized as shocking and vulgar today, the F-word has managed to increasingly saturate our lives, from the schoolyard to television chefs, and despite its sexual connotations, it is generally used to accentuate expressions.