Loss of trust can quickly turn into loss of respect. It’s difficult to continue to respect someone you now know to be a liar and a deceiver, or someone you discover has a problem with impulse control, aberrant sexual interests, and emotional intimacy. In an instant a woman’s view of her partner can shift from thinking of him as someone who is worthy of respect and admiration to seeing him as insensitive, hurtful, and frightening.
A woman’s loss of respect for her partner can also be related to her realizing he likes a product that is notoriously known for being degrading and insensitive to, as well as exploitive of, women and children. Until she knew he was into porn, Fran had always seen David as a smart and caring person. But since learning of his involvement in porn her feelings toward him have changed dramatically. “He is not the man of integrity I thought he was,” she says. “I need a man who values women, not someone who gets off on objectifying, disrespecting, and colluding with an unrealistic view of women. Now I feel he is just like men who abuse women. I can’t help feeling he’s dirty and nasty and abusive and unhealthy. I’ve lost respect and admiration for him.”