Identifying My Accelerators
This checklist can help you determine what factors you have in your life right now that may be leading you into a stronger relationship with porn.
Put a check (✓) next to each item with which you agree:
__ I hide my porn from others.
__ I lie to maintain my contact with porn.
__ I daydream about times when I can use porn.
__ I am entitled to use as much porn as I want.
__ I have an addictive nature.
__ I am related to someone who has a porn problem.
__ I maintain a stash of pornography.
__ I turn to porn when I am bored.
__ I would like to experience the sex I see in porn.
__ My friends and contacts are also into pornography.
__ I’m excited by the new high-tech devices that deliver porn.
__ My greatest sexual satisfaction occurs when I am using porn.
__ I use porn when I am feeling distressed and want to feel better.
__ I turn to porn instead of real people for comfort.
__ I continue using porn even though it is inconsistent with my values and beliefs.
__ I need to use porn or think about it in order to become sexually
aroused.
__ I use porn as my model for how to have sex.
__ My best orgasms have been with porn.
__ I think about porn images during sex with a real-life partner.
__ I like porn that features illegal or abusive sexual activities.
__ I arrange my life to make sure I have regular time to be with porn.
__ I make sure I always have access to porn whenever I might want it.
__ I am most attracted to people who look like porn stars.
__ I need porn as a sexual outlet if I am not in a relationship.
__ I am uncomfortable with masturbation unless I am using porn or
thinking about it.
__ I prefer using porn alone rather than with a partner.
__ My sexual interests have become more extreme since using porn.
__ The possibility I could get caught makes porn use more exciting.
__ I become upset at the thought of giving up porn.
__ I have become more involved with porn as time goes by.
__ Total score
You may want to repeat this exercise every six months to reevaluate the factors that may be pushing you toward becoming more attached to porn.
Whether or not we get pulled deeper into a relationship with porn depends on which set of factors—the ones that floor the accelerator or those that slam on the brakes—are informing the choices we make in our lives. Take a moment to compare your total scores on the “Identifying My Inhibitors” and the “Identifying My Accelerators” checklists. Which total score is higher? Which inhibitors and accelerators do you think impact you the most? This information can help you evaluate your present relationship with porn and what direction it’s moving.
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very day we are either moving further into porn or away from it. If we move away from porn, like Jack, the sporting goods manager, did, the likelihood of developing serious problems decreases each time it is rejected. But, as we’ll see in the next chapter, if someone moves deeper into the porn trap and hasn’t stopped to look at what is happening to them and why, the results can be serious and devastating. It’s like getting in your car and driving, and suddenly realizing you’re lost and in trouble, and you have no idea how you got there. This is what happened to Corey. His porn use led him down a dangerous road and took him over a cliff: he acted out sexually on his stepdaughter, his wife left him, and he wound up in jail.
In your relationship with porn, you need to be aware of what is going on and where you are headed. As one man we interviewed said, “This is not a game we are playing. Porn is a fantasy world that spills over into real life.”