To help you get your head in the game, we’ve made a list of some of the other important “costs” we all worry about as we try to get to the New All. What will quickly become clear, we hope, is that what initially appears a cost might not be costly at all and may yield significant “hidden benefits.”
cost
1 "Isn’t a pay cut of any sort a big step backward?"
hidden benefit 1
Don’t think hourly rate— think value, as Jennifer discovered. Even if you have to make financial cutbacks, the value to your life of gaining a few extra hours each week is potentially huge. It can make the difference between sanity and chaos.
And remember: every minute is not created equal. If you can be home between four and six to pick up the kids, or have a Friday afternoon to go for your beloved run, or a regular day to meet with a group of friends, it can add a level of satisfaction to your life that money literally cannot buy. So before you brand taking a pay cut as an indulgence, let your imagination explore the idea of taking that pay cut so you can have a few hours to do all the small but intensely meaningful things that seemed unachievable from the perspective of your office desk.
katty If only I did have a dollar for every time I am asked "How do you do it?” I really would be a moderately wealthy woman. But that might be my only chance at big wealth because the truth is I don’t work that hard, not if your measure is hours.
I have a mental clock running in my head. If it ticks over thirty hours a week, I am doing too much and need to cut something out. My ideal workweek has me away from home no more than twenty-five hours. Of course, there are times when I have to put in a lot more—try an election year to test your short work week resolve! But then I make sure I take time off afterward. My first question for any new project: how much time will it take? My first thought about any new job: can I do it and still have time? If not, I know it’s not worth it. I have turned down better paying jobs to keep control of my hours. The afternoons I have free to surprise my eight-year-old with a school pickup or the (relatively) quiet Monday mornings with my youngest planting herbs in the yard—nobody could buy those back from me, at any price.
"But money, and the symbolic power of money, defines who I am."
hidden benefit 2
It doesn’t actually, and it certainly shouldn’t. Taking your ego out of your income is a surprisingly liberating move. If you are trading money for time, in addition to literally gaining more hours to raise responsible children or contribute in other ways to society or a saner life, you also remove a false mental measuring stick that saps positive energy. When you measure yourself on something as flimsy as salary, it drains your ability to feel satisfied with your actual work or other accomplishments.
cost
З "I don’t want to confront my boss about this. She’ll think
I’m lazy and unmotivated and she’ll stop assigning me the best projects."
hidden benefit 3
Confronting your boss can actually make you look good.
You’ll find that having the courage and confidence to define what you will and won’t do shows strength. Bosses admire people who have limits and who are willing to defend themselves. In fact, rather than showing that you’re unmotivated, explaining what you want and need shows that you are active and ready to think outside the box in order to create change.
Believe us, it may seem impossible, but it’s truly a “positive” in disguise. And if you do good work, nobody thinks you’re lazy these days. We’ll tell you more about these negotiations in chapter 6.
"My coworkers may not like it and may think less of me."
hidden benefit 4
Maybe. . . but do you really care? Does it really matter? In general, people think what they’re going to think, since their reactions are their own choice and responsibility. In reality, however, your coworkers will probably be envious of what you managed to pull off. And those who don’t simply forget about it after a few weeks will probably approach you to gain pointers. Indeed, some will likely start to see you as a role model or mentor and may be emboldened to take a similar path.
"It’s not fair. I’m sacrificing and my husband isn’t. Why do I have to give up more than he does?"
hidden benefit 5
Remember, time does not have the same value for everybody. And especially at home, this is not a zero sum game.
An extra hour a day of time with our children may be worth ten times to us what it is to somebody else—even our spouses. Part of our confidence to fight for time to be home more came from understanding that we’re the ones who want to be with our children. It’s sometimes easy in those frantic, two-working-parent households to slip into the “Well, if you only came home earlier I wouldn’t need to” argument. We know. We’ve both done it—given our husbands a hard time for not being home enough. But this is really about our time with our kids. We’re the lucky ones to get that extra time with them.
(By the way, just as you don’t want to be judged on how much time you need, you will find this work/life math a whole lot easier if you don’t try to judge other people’s time or priorities either. As we were researching this book we came across the story of a man who went to his boss to ask for shorter hours at work. “Well,” said the boss, “we can probably work something out, but what do you want it for?” “To spend more time with my dog,” the man replied! Who are we to say that this choice isn’t valuable.)