Part of the beauty of saying “no” ’is that you’re doing much more than staving off an unwanted assignment or a new responsibility or obligation. The rush of confidence and even the slightly otherworldly sense of well-being that arrives after a decisive no moment comes in part from the knowledge that you won’t have to cram a round-peg assignment into the square hole of your schedule. But also, that feeling of calm mixed with pride is a feeling of moving forward as a person, of having grown a bit.
The reason why this feels empowering is that being able to say “no” when you mean it represents an ability to set boundaries. You can even see this by pegging your own growth as a person to the kinds of domestic and personal boundaries you’ve been able to establish over the years. While many of us have done a great job of setting boundaries at home—and especially if there are kids in the house who depend on having boundaries set for them—we’ve often neglected to transfer the same ability to our workplace. But boundaries at work are just as important as the ones at home, if only because what goes on at the office has such heavy repercussions on what goes on at home. Your bosses and your underlings need boundaries every bit as much as your five-year-old. The clarity helps their decision making and their ability to work well, and in the long run it will generate enormous respect for your maturity.
And best of all, it’s a reinforcing behavior. Think of each no as a small dot—part of a bright line you are drawing around your life and priorities. Each no not only makes the next easier, but it also starts to ensure you’ll have to say them less often. You’ll come to understand this even better in chapter 6, where we discuss in detail the many benefits to your professional reputation that NO offers. Saying “no” will make you seem more confident. When you put a value on your time, and you are clear about it, others will see your time as valuable too. A healthy distance from guilt, and a healthy use of no will ensure you are respected. And in the end, respect is far more valuable to you at work than being liked.