So what were we thinking years ago, as we were drawn, lockstep, into those masculine, career-driven ranks? What made us defy our genes and bend our natural wills to the unnatural corporate structure? Certainly after centuries without power we were after status and achievement, not to mention the ability to make a difference and make some money. (Remember—we are only partially right-brain driven!) And we still have those desires. But we’ve also achieved a certain amount of wisdom from our years in the testosterone jungle—wisdom about what works for us and what doesn’t. Even the once all-mighty motivator—the dollar—doesn’t stack up against our new, more gratifying incentive—time. We have discovered we’d prefer a New All; a tapestry of family and work in which we define our own success in reasonable terms.
It’s because we are, well, who we are, explains Kathleen Christensen of the Sloan Foundation, one of the biggest funders of studies on families and the workplace. “But it’s not about the tasks, the cooking and the shopping,” she says. Christensen has actually coined a new phrase for the modern women’s role in family life: the meaning makers. “It’s the women who basically cultivate and sustain the rituals in the family. Whether it’s when a child loses a tooth, birthday parties, or major family celebrations, it’s the women who see that as what they want to do.”
claire I somehow always imagined that I and my husband, a thoroughly spectacular and modern guy, would simply split child-rearing duties. I envisioned some sort of postmodern utopia, in which we both worked, but both made equal career "sacrifices” in order to be home with our yet to be conceived child. It would clearly just be a matter of scheduling. Needless to say, reality intruded in an unruly but ultimately genius fashion. About eight months after our son Hugo was born, I was struggling with the unpredictable demands of my work. After getting another last-minute call to come to New York for an assignment, I spent an angst — ridden few weeks. Should we hire a second nanny? Should I keep pushing my husband to carve more time out of his schedule to be home? It finally hit me. I was on the floor with Hugo, who was, as always, chortling as he tried to eat his toes, when I suddenly understood that this was bigger than a scheduling problem. It wasn’t about more help, or even my husband’s participation. I wanted the luxury, the joys, of time with my son. Even if my husband were home full time, I could see that wasn’t the solution. I wanted— and needed— that balance in my life. It was a liberating, almost euphoric realization. I had to sort things out with my company.
So—let’s get back to the hard numbers again, because these will surprise you as much as the stats about your power.
Work-life conflict is the top factor cited when “high-potential, high-talent” women leave their jobs. A Harvard Business School study conducted by Myra Hart found that 62 percent of the school’s female graduates with more than one child were either not working, or working part time just five years after graduation.26 Lack of balance is what pushes us to the brink of quitting.
In survey after survey, flexibility—work-life control—is essential, say women, to our professional satisfaction. It’s ranked right up there with compensation. Four out of five of us say we need more flexibility at work, according to the Family and Work Institute.27 Ten years ago 48 percent of working women surveyed thought part-time work was the answer. In 2007, 60 percent of us now say we’d prefer to work part time. And companies barely have to dig to get this information out of their high-heeled masses.
In Richmond, Virginia, Capital One had its eyes opened in 2003 to this growing demand. The financial services company surveyed its female associates to find out what was really critical in their work lives. Overwhelmingly the answer they got back was flexibility. And the demand for it increased the more senior the women became. “People said ‘I need to be able to go and see a soccer game or I need to go and do what I need to do,’ ” says Judy Pahren, director of human resources for Capitol One. “In fact we saw it across our entire workforce, not just with women.”28
And when General Mills decided to check in with its female workforce recently, it asked which factor women thought was most important in bringing more balance to their lives: outside help (someone to do grocery shopping, yard work, etc.), a more flexible schedule, or a shorter commute. Flexibility trumped the other categories.29 As a result, 53 percent of the women said a flexible schedule was the key to making their lives better. Fully 61 percent said flexible work arrangements were critical to continuing to work at the company.
But here’s the rub—most women don’t think they get enough support for flexibility where they work and worry that if they do work flexibly it will make them appear less committed.