^en a woman says she is raped, it is important to listen, support her, believe her, and help her make a transition back to a life of maximum trust.
Every human being, when hurting, needs listening and love more than anything else — including having their problem solved.
When a man says he has been falsely accused of rape, he is also telling us he has been raped. He is being accused of being one of life’s most despicable persons Even if the accusation is made by an adolescent girl who acknowledges she’s lying before there’s a trial, a man’s life can be ruined. As with Grover Gale.
A 13-year-old North Carolina girl accused Grover Gale II of raping her four times.2*By the time Grover spent thirty-six days in jail, he had lost his construction job, fallen into debt, couldn’t pay his rent for his family at home, and was on the verge of divorce. Then the girl, whose name still didn’t make the papers, admitted she made the whole thing up, saying she was just trying to get her 17-year-old boyfriend’s attention.29
But when Grover returned from jail, his own son was afraid to hug him. Wherever he went in town, people pointed to him and called him names like child molester and rapist. At the mall someone spit on him. Although in debt, the family felt forced to move They moved out of state to a small town where no one knew him Two years later, the charges still plague him He’s still f 15,000 in debt because of bail fees, trial costs, and back rent he’s never been able to catch up on.
Grover doesn’t know whether to sue or forget. When he tries to forget, the anger builds up inside Sometimes he storms out of his apartment, jumps into his car, and tears down a country road, heading for nowhere. He pulls over and kicks the car until he has calmed down. He says, ’Tve been last ever since " His wife can’t speak about the accusations — or hear him speak about them — without crying.30
Grover has lost his life and his wife. He has been raped. Yet he cannot afford counseling and the state won’t pay for him to be counseled. The psychologists themselves fear a liability suit: "If you treat him as a nonrapist and he later rapes, you can be sued for not treating him as a rapist — as a psychologist you supposedly should have known.’’31
Once accused, no trial can erase the shadow that follows a man wherever he goes. Dr William Kennedy Smith is still rarely referred to as "doctor.” When he was accused of date rape, his residency in internal medicine at the University of New Mexico Hospital was put on hold. Understandable. But after he was found not guilty, the university could not decide whether or not it should rescind the offer.32 The shadow followed him after the trial.
But is Grover Gale an exception? Aren’t false accusations of rape rare?