Gottman identified a number of constructive communication tactics. These tactics include leveling and editing, validating, and volatile dialogue.
Leveling and Editing
Leveling involves stating our thoughts and feelings clearly, simply, and honestly—preferably while using "I" language. For example, Tyler is distressed because his partner, Emily, seldom initiates sex. Tyler might say, "I love having sex with you, and I am concerned that most of the time it seems to be my idea that we make love. I am not sure what this means." When we begin to level with our partners, we might also need to do some editing of what we say. Editing means that we do not say things that we know would be hurtful to our partners and that we limit our comments to information relevant to the issue at hand. Even though Tyler might feel anger toward Emily, it would be counterproductive for him to say, "Your seeming indifference to having sex with me ticks me off and makes me wonder what your problem is." It would also be unhelpful to add comments irrelevant to the issues, such as "And I get real tired having to be the one who does all the shopping and making all the decisions about what we are going to eat."
Validating
Validating involves telling our partners that, given their point of view, we can understand why they think or feel the way they do. Validating a partner’s viewpoint does not mean that we invalidate our own position regarding the issue at hand. Rather, we are simply facilitating constructive dialogue by acknowledging the reasonableness of our partner’s concern. For example, Emily might respond to Tyler by saying, "I really enjoy our lovemaking, and I can see why you might think differently since I usually let you take the lead."