The Internet has created a virtual community that has radically expanded “ options for meeting potential intimate partners and for communicating about sex (Albright, 2008; A. Brown, 2011; Parker-Pope, 2011). Facilitating and managing relationships online has become a billion-dollar industry in
Love and Commnunication in Intimate Relationships
the United States (A. Brown, 2011). Earlier in this chapter, we described how proximity, or geographical nearness, influences whom we are attracted to. Cyberspace has created a world of virtual proximity, in which people can be electronically close while being separated by hundreds or thousands of miles.
People may be drawn to various relationship-oriented websites because of a perceived commonality of interest with others who visit the site. Some may be surfing the Web looking for meaningful romantic connections. Others may be motivated by a desire to discuss sexual fantasies or to share online sexual activity (OSA) (Grov et al., 2011; Shaughnessy et al., 2010). The absence of relationship constraints posed by face-to — face (FTF) interaction may help explain the growing popularity of computer-mediated relating (CMR). For people who have difficulty relating to others FTF, the anonymity of online relationships may allow them to express themselves more easily, which can lead to an improved sense of social connectedness and the formation of strong online attachments (Fleming & Rickwood, 2004; Ross et al., 2007). Online interaction also provides avenues for refusing requests for romantic involvements that may be less stressful than in FTF communication (Tom Tong & Walther, 2011).
Online communication may contribute to the development of romantic relationships by eliminating the role that physical attractiveness plays in the development of attraction. In the absence of this dimension of interpersonal attraction, formed impressions of another may be strongly influenced by imagination, which can create a powerful attraction to another (Ben-Ze’ev, 2004; Ross et al., 2007). Freed from the influence of visual cues, romantic or erotic connections may evolve from emotional intimacy rather than from physical attraction. CMR may also be less constrained by the gender-role assumptions that frequently influence FTF interactions between the sexes.
These relative advantages of CMR are counterbalanced by potential drawbacks of relating on the Internet. For example, erotic or intimate connections may develop with such rapidity that the tempering influence of good judgment may not be applied (Ben — otsch et al., 2002; Genuis & Genuis, 2005). This rapid escalation of relationship intensity may be triggered by a reduction in feelings of vulnerability when disclosing personal information in the relative anonymity of cyberspace and by the psychological comfort of revealing private thoughts while in a safe, cozy home environment.
Another potential disadvantage of communicating online is that people may be untruthful when disclosing such topics as personal interests, occupation, marital status, and age (Rosenblum, 2011). In addition, FTF meetings with online partners carry considerable risk. The media is replete with accounts of Web relationships that result in abuse, violence, stalking, or harassment. Furthermore, research indicates that the chances of engaging in risky, condomless sex during an initial FTF meeting with an online partner are quite high (Genuis & Genuis, 2005; Horvath et al., 2008).
The phenomenon of Internet relationships is rapidly evolving, and future research will no doubt provide a better understanding of the impact of the Web on people’s intimate lives. Perhaps the best advice we can offer readers who are exploring relationships via the Internet is to take it slow, communicate honestly and encourage your partner to do the same, disclose carefully, and by all means, if you choose to meet FTF, do so in a safe, public place and without expectations of a sexual encounter.