Fellatio

The majority of men enjoy having their genitals orally stimulated, and many are dis­pleased if their partners do not like to perform fellatio (Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983). In gay couples, the more oral sex occurs, the more sexually satisfied the couple is (Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983). Fellatio is the most popular sexual behavior for gay men. However, some men do not even desire such stimulation. These two men have very dif­ferent views:

This is by far my favorite sexual activity. I always orgasm and it is more intense for me than an intercourse orgasm.

I have never had fellatio. I have no desire to have it done, it is repulsive to me. (Hite, 1981, p. 532)

Prior to fellatio, many men enjoy having their partners stroke and kiss various parts of their bodies, gradually getting closer to their penis and testicles. Some men like to have their partner take one testicle gently into the mouth and slowly circle it with the tongue. They may also like to have the head of the penis gently sucked while their part­ner’s hand is slowly moving up and down the shaft. When performing fellatio, partners must be sure to keep their teeth covered with their lips, as exposed teeth can cause pain. Some men like the sensation of being gently scratched with teeth during oral sex, but this must be done very carefully.

Pornographic movies tend to show a sex partner who takes the entire penis into his or her mouth, but this is not necessary. In fact, it may be uncomfortable due to the gag­ging response. Some men make the mistake, during fellatio, of holding their partners’ heads during orgasm. This makes it impossible for the partner to remove the penis and to control the ejaculate. In fact, a bad experience in which a man forces his partner to swallow can negatively affect the partner for a long time.

Question: Do men want their partners to swallow the ejaculate after their orgasms?

Some men do; some don’t care. Again, there is more than one way to perform fellatio. Swallowing the ejaculate can be a very intimate experience for both partners. Unless a man has a STI, there is nothing in the ejaculate that could harm a person. However, some people find it uncomfortable to swallow and prefer to either remove the penis prior to ejaculation or spit the ejaculate out.

To avoid a gagging response, it is often very helpful to place a hand around the base of the penis while performing fellatio. By placing a hand there, the penis will be kept from entering the back of the mouth, thus reducing the urge to gag. In addition, the hand can be used to provide more stimulation to the penis.

Some partners are concerned about having their partners’ ejaculate in their mouths after fellatio. If your partner is HIV negative and free from all sexually transmitted in­fections, swallowing the ejaculate is fine. Some enjoy the taste, feel, and idea of tasting and swallowing ejaculate, whereas others do not. If swallowing is unacceptable, another option may be to spit the ejaculate out after orgasm.

How much semen a man ejaculates during fellatio often depends on how long it has been since his last ejaculation. If a long period of time has gone by, generally the ejacu­late will be larger. An average ejaculation is approximately 1 to 2 teaspoons, consists mainly of fructose, enzymes, and different vitamins, and contains approximately 5 calo­ries. The taste of the ejaculate can vary, depending on a man’s use of drugs and/or alco­hol, stress level, and diet. Coffee and alcohol can cause the semen to have a bitter taste, whereas fruits (pineapple in particular) can result in sweet-tasting semen. Men who eat lots of red meat often have very acid-tasting semen. The taste of semen also varies from day to day.

Some men and women dislike performing fellatio. There have been some ethnic dif­ferences found as well. For example, in Gail Wyatt’s study of African American female sexuality, over half of the hundreds of women in her sample had never engaged in fella­tio and had no desire to do so (Wyatt, 1998). If you dislike performing fellatio on your partner, try talking about it. Find out if there are things that you can do differently (us­ing your hands more) or that your partner can vary (ejaculating outside of your mouth).

Question: I have heard that you can get genital herpes if your partner performs oral sex on you and has a cold sore on his or her lip. Is this true?

Although we will discuss herpes in more depth in Chapter 15, it ap­pears that even though oral herpes (a cold sore) is caused by a differ­ent strain of the virus, this virus can be passed on during oral sex and lead to genital herpes. Therefore, it is best to avoid performing oral sex when you have a cold sore.