I Want to Be Someone

__ who is honest and trustworthy.

__ who keeps my word and follows through with my commitments.

__ who values others through both my words and my actions.

__ who loves with my heart as well as my sexual desire.

__ who has a high degree of integrity.

__ who spends time in productive and meaningful activities.

__ who is a positive role model in the community.

__ who feels he is a good person.

__ who has self-confidence and self-respect.

__ who is in control of his impulses.

__ who is ethical and respects the law.

__ who feels proud of himself.

__ who demonstrates respect for women and children.

__ who can be looked up to and respected by others.

__ who doesn’t emotionally or physically hurt his intimate partner.

__ who lives according to religious and spiritual values.

__ who protects family members from hurt and harm.

__ who is free of addictions and compulsions.

__ who isn’t supporting the porn industry.

__ who is physically and emotionally healthy.

__ who connects love with sexual expression.

(other traits)

Take the list above and make a clear statement that reflects the abso­lute incompatibility of each trait you checked off with your use of porn. For example, you might say, “I can’t use porn and be someone who is honest and trustworthy.” It can also be helpful to say out loud why you can’t. “I can’t use porn and be someone who is honest and trustworthy, because using porn requires me to be secretive and lie about what I’m doing. I can’t expect someone to trust me if I’m lying.” And, if you iden­tified that you want to be someone who feels proud of himself, you might tell yourself, “I can’t use porn and be someone who feels proud of him­self, because whenever I use porn I end up feeling ashamed and guilty.” Write down your explanation of incompatibility for each desirable trait you identified. Read your responses out loud every day. The process of getting clear on your values and goals, and then shining a light on how porn use is incompatible with those values and goals, is an invaluable tool for strengthening your motivation to quit using porn.